Enchantress Brazilian teddy - teddy discontinued by Cal Exotics - review by Not here

I had very low expectations for the Enchantress Brazilian Teddy before even getting it. I just wrote a review for the Enchantress Barely There Bra and G-string when I was assigned this product, and I was slightly less than satisfied with it, so I wasn't expecting much for the teddy. But, I held out some hope that by some miracle this would fit me.. that is, until I put it on.

First of all, when you take the teddy out of the package, you'll probably scratch your head. "I'm supposed to wear this?" you may think. You'll probably continue to think that once it's on. There's a section at the top for the neck with a bit of Velcro on it, which is connected to the strip of lace that goes down the center of the whole thing. Across the chest is a strip of lace with Velcro to secure it on the breasts. The bottom has a little G-string attached. Once you figure out how to wear it is when the laughter begins.

My measurements are 34DD-25"-38", which are hard enough to fit as it is, but the Enchantress Brazilian teddy doesn't seem as if it would fit any measurements. And there is NO WAY the model on the cover could have fit into this teddy that perfectly, considering her proportions look pretty similar to mine. The lace strip that runs down the torso is very saggy, as if it's meant for Stretch Armstrong, or perhaps a pregnant woman (if that's the case, GREAT for you sista!) But the complaints don't stop there. The thong that's attached to the bottom rides up extremely high, somewhat like an outfit an 80's centerfold would wear. I don't exactly have a tiny butt, so I don't know how it could possibly fit any woman lacking in that department. And the worst part of it is the strip of lace that runs across the boobs. No matter what size chest you have, it will most likely slide off the girls constantly. At least for me, for the few minutes I had it on before I couldn't stand it anymore, I was forever adjusting the chest.

If you buy this product and your proportions DO fit it, great for you! Let me tell you how to care for it. The Enchantress Brazilian Teddy is made out of Spandex and Lace, so be gentle! Always wash lace by hand in lukewarm water with gentle detergent. Some lingerie stores sell specially formulated detergent for "unmentionables," but you can also use detergents meant for baby clothes, such as Dreft. Gently wring the product out and lay flat to dry.

I have to at least say one nice thing about this product, and that's the color that it came in. I love pink, and it is a very pretty shade of hot pink. However, the little flowers on it are a bit cheesy, which I suppose goes with the general theme of the teddy.

I avoid most things that are "One size fits most." There is no such thing as most when it comes to a woman's body. This is no exception, and from now on, unless I can try it on before I buy it, it has to come in actual sizes. I suggest you heed the same advice, unless of course you enjoy the thrill of risk taking.

There was no reason for me to keep this after I reviewed it and it was promptly thrown in the trash can. I couldn't bear to even look at it, because it was such a cheap and awkwardly made piece of lingerie. I don't think any amount of alteration could have made this wearable, so I didn't even attempt to fix it. Certainly no loss for me!