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Micro heated bullet sex toy review

My little buddy and I were merely two ships passing in the night, and I fell asleep at hello. Not a good sign from a sex toy. Thumbs down on the micro-heated bullet.
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Say hello to my little friend. Don’t waste too much time trying to converse; you’ll be leaving soon. This little guy showed some potential, but bottom line, or should I say clitoral line and leave the bottom puns to the anal toys, this toy was a bust. I’m so bummed (oops! There I go again). Ok, I’ll try again; I’m disappointed with this little toy. Let me tell you why.

I get it; it’s a small vibrator on a cord to the power, allowing for movement. Sweet. Ok. I first tried it for external stimulation. Ok, nice, not bad but it was sort of like rubbing my morning vitamin on my clit except it vibrated. My Oral-B super sonic electric toothbrush gives me more satisfaction. My hands are not large; I’d say they’re typical sized hands for a woman. When things started to get a little slippery, and I admit they did, it kept sliding out of my grasp. Thinking about the night before with my boyfriend really helped with the slippery part. I’m sorry I cannot give much of the wet-n-wildness to the micro-bullet.

I’m not sure if this little fella was meant for internal use. I was a bit curious to see if it would/could do anything from the inside. I mean seriously, it’s like having the smallest penis ever inside you. But I am its own little cheering section. “Come on baby, come on. You can do it.” Um, no, it can’t.

As predicted, I slid it in my now barely wet pussy as I was a bit bored. It felt sort of like one of those tampons that don’t have an applicator (ick). I turned it on. The vibration is supposed to vary. There is no low, and the rest is pretty much the same. I hardly noticed a difference. That actually wasn’t bad, not bad at all. And it was fairly quiet; more like a huge bee that had way too many espressos. I wondered if it was something I could use out in public secretly. And then I was waiting for it to start saying, “I think I can, I think I can.” It couldn’t. Still.

And as far as using it internally, there is an opening where the cord enters the cavity of the bullet. No puns here, I’m talking about the toy. So juices can get in there. And if you can’t wash it out really well, which you can’t because it doesn’t open, then it’s useless to me from there on out. I can’t use it again.

It’s called the heated Micro-Bullet, but I felt no heat beyond my own body heat. I don’t need it to heat up. Now it being cool; hmm, there’s a thought.

My little buddy and I were merely two ships passing in the night, and I fell asleep at hello. Not a good sign from a sex toy. Thumbs down on the micro-heated bullet. Buy another. There’s a ton on this site.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • j
    intentional or not this was absolutly hysterical to read!
  • Viv
    Viv  
    wow.  sad the product was such a bust, but this was a blast to read!
  • Sleeping Dreamer
    Sleeping Dreamer  
    Insertion with bullets is never a good idea unless they're inside of a condom. Pulling on the cord of a bullet can break the cord, pulling on the lip of a condom is a much better idea. :)
  • Airen Wolf
    Airen Wolf  
    Sounds like some lovers I have had in the past...definately not gonna waste time with this one.
  • Opal
    Opal  
    Thanks for saving me $23! The heating part sounds good, but if it's that tiny... no thanks. Hilarious review - I loved reading it.
  • Darling Dove
    Darling Dove  
    I have one of these under a different name and was also disappointed- it does heat up if you leave it on for a long time, but its because of the motor, not an actual function. Luckily I bought mine on sale in a rl store and it was considerably cheaper.
  • evanovca
    evanovca  
    thanks for the review!
  • RosesThorns
    RosesThorns  
    To bad it wasn't that great...
  • Fuck it.
    Fuck it.  
    I hate it when toys don't do their basic functions, although I'm not sure why I'd want a heated bullet.
  • pinkzombie
    pinkzombie  
    Thank u!
  • darkkitty
    darkkitty  
    Thank you!
  • GlacVic
    GlacVic  
    thanks
  • jeangel246
    jeangel246  
    Thanks for the review
  • Jon S
    Jon S  
    ty for the review
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