Resonating micro dolphin - strap-on vibrator by Cal Exotics - review by ssscouting

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It's like riding a dolphin. Kind of. Not really.

I wouldn't recommend this toy unless it was being given as a humorous gift with no intentions of being used. Otherwise, I really don't see the point, and it seems like a waste of money.
Published:
Pros:
Bullet vibe is fantastic.
Cons:
Everything else is not.
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review

Use

Okay, this review comes with bias. I have never understood, and firmly believe I will never understand, strap-on vibrators or vibrators that look like animals. I will expand. Firstly, I don't think any harness vibrator could be strong enough to get me off unless it was duct taped to my body, and I'm also not into that. Secondly, nothing about looking at a dolphin makes me want to put it anywhere near my business. This vibrator is no exception to either of those rules. But again, I have personal bias, even if it is well-founded and logical.

So...what areas does it stimulate? None of them. Well, it makes me want to study marine biology a little, so whatever part of the brain controls that got stimulated, I guess. Other than that, nothin' doin'. The material of the dolphin itself is a little thick to transmit any decent amount of vibration, and the straps are kind of awkward and didn't do anything for my form. I can't IMAGINE this would even be acceptably decent for anyone with a larger body. As for the best occasion/situation...I'm stuck. It's definitely not sexy for me to put it on and lay in bed alone, but I also can't imagine a situation in which I would want to "ride the dolphin" in front of my partner.

Amongst all the negativity, while the harness and dolphin were a thumbs down, the bullet vibe is the strongest bullet I have ever felt in my LIFE. Don't buy the whole toy just for the bullet, but for a tiny vibrator, it definitely had some oomph behind it.
    • Bachelor/ bachelorette party
    • Gag gift

Material / Texture

The material, like I said, is way too thick for the dolphin to actually act AS a vibrator. You have to hold it pretty darn tight against your skin to feel anything resembling stimulation, and the harness definitely doesn't do that for you, which kind of makes you wonder what the point is of having the harness there at all. The straps have flimsy elastic that doesn't stay tight enough or hold anything in place. Definitely, no part of the material of this product adds extra stimulation. No odor, though. So...A+ on that one, my tiny ocean-dwelling friend.
    • No odor

Design / Shape / Size

No. Nope. Didn't like it. Not good. It's a tiny dolphin that you strap to your junk. If you can tell me what about that sounds appealing, I will buy you a coke. It is not better for beginner users, or advanced users, or...well, users. It's great and probably hilarious in one way or another for a bachelorette party (or a bachelor party, if you're not so stuck on the binary gender system I suppose), or maybe as an orientation gift for new employees at water parks. I would not recommend gifting this to your partner, lover, or even friend (unless it's a joke).

Functions / Performance / Controls

The vibrations are located in the dolphin. So. That's about as sexy as it sounds. And even then, they're not really. The vibrations are located in the vibrator, which in and of itself is kind of awesome. It's tiny, travel sized, and if you don't require a whole big shebang to get you off, I would definitely recommend it. It's tiny, but it's mighty, as long as it's outside of the dolphin, that is. I don't think it's waterproof, though I didn't care enough to look at the box, and I can't say it's convenient or "easy" per se. The vibrator, again, is not noisy, giving it another thumbs up in my book, though I really can't imagine it's great with battery life.
    • Not very discreet

Care and Maintenance

Store it...in the box. It is really easy to take care of that way. You can keep it on your mantle as a conversation piece, or perhaps on the nightstand next to your bed to remind you of good(ish) times past. If you haven't opened it yet, wrap and re-gift for a humorous Yankee Swap.
    • Easy to store

Packaging

It comes with a thin, scantily clad lady on the front of the box with large, fake breasts who is wearing a dolphin strapped to her ladyparts. Need I say more?
    • Not discreet
    • Would make a nice gift
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
  • Kindred Kindred
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Comments
  • ToyGeek
    ToyGeek  
    Hilarious review. Marine biology ftw!
  • KnK
    KnK  
    Hilarious review
  • VictoriaRose
    VictoriaRose  
    I never get the harness either I know it would never work for me. But I loved your review! Good job!
  • Danielle915
    Danielle915  
    Great review!!
  • Kindred
    Kindred  
    Good review, thanks.
  • A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople)
    A Closet Slut (aka nipplepeople)  
    What a funny review)) I wanted to buy one of those dolphins on another website, until I got here
  • Valentinka
    Valentinka  
    Good honest review ) thanks for the information and good humor
  • Jon S
    Jon S  
    ty
  • Do emu
    Do emu  
    Thanks for sharing!
  • Kissy
    Kissy  
    Harness seems very odd. Thanks for the review!
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