Lovers thong

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Lovers of what? Pinching?

The Lovers Thong is unpleasant to wear, doesn't stay in place (and pulls or pinches while its moving), and to top it off, I can't use it with my partner. This toy definitely requires that both body types are suited to it for couples play, which severely limits the number of people who can enjoy its use. This is particularly disappointing, as the intent of the toy is clearly two-fold. The bullet is fantastic, but since those are readily available for individual purchase, it's far from redeeming.
Published:
Pros:
Excellent multi-speed bullet, waterproof
Cons:
Uncomfortable, impractical for certain body types, pinches
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review

Use

This Lovers Thong has, quite frankly, not stimulated very much, including my creativity as a writer. I have been evaluating and reevaluating my thoughts about this harness for days, trying to make sure that I had given it a fair shot. I've put it on at least a dozen times, checking to make sure that there is absolutely nothing that this thing can do for me. I'm finally biting the bullet, so to speak, to write this review, because I think that there are some important things that any potential buyers need to know.

I was unable to use the Lovers Thong with my partner, as he found the beaded area to be tight and uncomfortable. The interior circumference of the stimulating beads is about four inches, meaning that this is best suited to use with a partner whose measurements do not exceed this. The beads do not roll, which would allow for a larger girth to use this with ease - they are a single piece of moulded silicone. It can stretch to accommodate a toy with a five-inch circumference, but no amount of lube can ensure ease of movement once you've got it wedged in there.



The harness itself has an unstretched circumference of 40 inches, but it can stretch up to 56". Since it is fully adjustable, there is no lower limit on the size of the wearer, which is a plus if it suits your body type. One thing to note is that you should not use the circumference of your hips when deciding if this will fit your body, as you need to take into account the fact that the bullet and beads are located at the very top of the crotch of this thong. The length of the crotch strap without the inclusion of the beads and the bullet pocket is 17 inches unstretched. The 7-speed bullet vibe does a great job of stimulating the clitoris, but it is not quiet enough for use in public situations. I would suggest using this toy in private. It is fully waterproof, though, so it need not be limited to just the bedroom. It could be worn in a pool, tub, or shower, and it can be hidden quite easily under loose clothing.
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Couples
    • Solo
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • On a bed
    • Tub/shower/pool
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Clitoris

Material / Texture

Bullet and strap adjusters aside, this toy is constructed entirely of silicone. This is fantastic because it means that it's fully waterproof and easily sterilized, however the discomfort of the silicone on your skin is a fairly hefty price to pay. Because of the nature of silicone, it will stick to your hips and cause pinching or pulling if you try to use it in action. Without a lot of lube, I imagine that the beads would pinch very, very easily as well, so I highly recommend the use of a water-based lubricant with this item. There is a thin seam running around the interior of the beads, but it is very fine. The seam is, therefore, unlikely to provide any additional sensations, whether positive or negative. The silicone is, of course, odorless and tasteless, making oral sex a definite possibility. The bulk and lack of stretch of the beads does make it slightly cumbersome for your cunning linguist, but a determined individual could make it work.



One problem for me is the plastic adjuster (pictured above), which is positioned right underneath the beads. I feel like it is pretty unnecessary; there's an adjuster at the top of the crotch band, too. Also, if you actually used it, you'd be left with a useless tail flapping around, as there isn't anything to keep it in place. It's an uncomfortably hard piece of plastic, so it's not the nicest thing to have right next to your most sensitive areas.

The bullet is made of smooth plastic, though it does not actually touch your skin because of the silicone sleeve that holds it in place. It is tasteless and odorless, as well.

    • No odor
    • Not porous at all
    • Smooth

Design / Shape / Size

Though this could be used just as easily by a beginner as it could someone with a great deal of experience, I think that the Lovers Thong could have been much more comfortably designed. I appreciate the discreet nature and ease of adjusting the thinner straps, but they hardly add to the comfort or aesthetic appeal. I think that the whole apparatus looks pretty tacky, especially in the bubblegum pink silicone, which really made me feel less than sexy (read: utterly ridiculous) when I put it on.



The vibrations of the bullet travel through the beads to provide additional stimulation to both partners during use. However, this means that the proximity of the stimulating beads to the bullet sleeve is very close, which is not suited to my body. They're essentially right next to one another, which makes it very difficult to position the bullet over your clitoris while simultaneously allowing for penetration through the beads. On top of that, the only way to get the bullet into position in the first place was to tighten the straps quite a lot, which left me with an awful wedgie and a very unflattering groove where the harness cut into my sides. Though I could not test this during intercourse, I moved around quite a bit while wearing it to see how it would hold up, which resulted in the harness pulling on my skin and moving out of place pretty quickly.

The dimensions of the Lovers Thong are as follows:

Unstretched Circumference: 40 in
Stretched Circumference: 56 in
Crotch Strap, Unstretched: 17 in
Bead Circumference, Interior: 4 in
Bullet Length: 2.8 in

Clasp - closed
Clasp - open

This harness is very easy to adjust - honestly, I think that it's far easier than it needs to be. There are plastic adjusters on both the left and right of the bullet pocket. You can actually open the one on the right, which can be seen above, so that you can easy step into the Lovers Thong without having to readjust the straps or risk tugging your skin with the silicone. There is also a plastic adjuster at the back of the waist, meaning that there are three locations where you could potentially adjust a single strap. There is an adjuster right next to the beads, as I mentioned, and a second one at the top of the crotch piece, which loops around the waist and can move freely.

Back of harness
    • Partner play

Functions / Performance / Controls



The bullet is definitely the one thing that Cal Exotics got right with the Lovers Thong. It turns on with the push of a button, which can be seen above. To turn it off, you must hold down the button for about three seconds. It has 7 speeds, which I'll describe in writing to the best of my abilities. The first three are very straight forward. You have low-intensity, constant vibrations, followed by a medium, and then a high intensity setting. The fourth setting is somewhat more complicated, with a seven-group sequence of six groups of five rapid pulses followed by a seventh longer pulse. These pulses increase in intensity by group from low (one) to high (seven). The fifth setting is a medium-speed pulse function, and the sixth is the same but quicker. The seventh setting is a high intensity, four pulse function with three short pulses followed by one long. I'll break this down in list form below to make sure that everything is clear. Numerals represent a single pulse, whereas a line represents an extended pulse as compared to the rest of the pulses in the setting.

low intensity
medium intensity
high intensity
11111 22222 33333 44444 55555 66666 7--------
1 2 3 4 5 > infinity (medium speed)
1 2 3 4 5 > infinity (fast speed)
1 2 3 4--------

The bullet takes three watch batteries, six of which are included with purchase of the toy. The vibrations are fairly quiet; they can just barely be heard when underneath a heavy duvet. They cannot be heard through the walls of my bedroom when the door is shut, or over soft music when the door is open. They can, however, be heard through a pair of jeans, making this impractical for public use. The lid seals tightly, preventing water from leaking in. Since the bullet does not come into contact with my skin anyways, I sealed it with electrical tape before submersing it in water to ensure there was no leakage. If I were rating this toy solely on the performance of the bullet, it would get a solid five stars.
    • Discreet sound
    • Easy to use
    • Multiple settings

Care and Maintenance

As the harness is silicone, it can easily be boiled or thrown in the dishwasher once the bullet is removed. I suggest removing the batteries from the bullet in between uses, because, frankly, watch batteries are rather difficult to buy, and that will ensure that you get the most life out of them. If you continue to store them with the three spares, however, ensure that you keep the sets separate, as that will allow for your batteries to drain at the same rate and make replacement easy and generalized. To clean the bullet, one can use toy cleaner, a mild soap and water (or even an antibacterial soap, as the bullet itself is not going to be touching any sensitive areas), or isopropyl alcohol wipes. Though the bullet itself is safe for use with a variety of lubricants, water-based lubricants are the best to use, as the harness is silicone. This harness does collapse into a very small bundle if you loop the straps together, which makes it very easy to store.

    • Easy to clean
    • Easy to store

Packaging

The packaging of the Lovers Thong is far from discreet. It comes in a Styrofoam bag inside a cardboard box, so I suggest washing it before use.



The front of the box, as seen above, is emblazoned with a picture of the thong on a plastic model, as well as the title of the toy (Lovers Thong) and the name of the line (7-function Silicone Love Rider). The packaging also mentions that the toy is waterproof.





The left and right sides of the box contain further information about the enclosed toy and its functions.



The back of the box is, by far, the most detailed, and contains facts in five languages about the nature of the Lovers Thong. This product is body safe, phthalate-free, and unscented.
    • Not discreet
    • Recyclable
    • Very informative

Personal comments

California Exotic Novelties Lovers Thong also includes a warranty through Vibetronics. This company will replace your toy if it fails mechanically within thirty days of your purchase, though they do not offer reimbursements. They also do not ship out replacement parts. You must clean and return your product in its original packaging with the original receipt. You must also send a $10.00 U.S. money order or check made payable to Vibetronics to cover shipping and handling. It's very probable that the cost of shipping both ways would not make replacing this toy through Vibetronics worth your money, especially as there is a four to six week wait.
Follow-up commentary
This got Craigslisted almost immediately after the third time I took it off (three tries is the minimum I'll give anything that I intend to review, just in case it can change my mind). I can't imagine anything that would possibly make me want to use it, though if I were prone to regular use of bullets, I definitely would have been sad to see that one go. As for the actual "thong" itself, though, I definitely say 'good riddance.'
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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This review was edited by
  • SMichelle SMichelle
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Comments
  • souviet
    souviet  
    Thanks!
  • kendra30752
    kendra30752  
    Aw. This is really cute! I was worried this panty thing would cause pinching. As soon as I seen it on here that's what I said. It looks kind of nice though, but oh dear! Pinching of the labia is too painful for me to even risk it! I'd need something super soft and squishy. Thanks for the wonderful review on this & photos too!
  • MariaK
    MariaK  
    Thanks for the great review!
  • Ayumi
    Ayumi  
    Awesome review! It sounds like a great idea gone bad.
  • HappyOnLI
    HappyOnLI  
    Thank you for the review....I might suprise my wife with one of these!
  • snowminx
    snowminx  
    great review! it's just sad because it looks kinda cute, but I'm not about to put myself in pinching pain when you can't even use it with a partner. Also a $10.00 U.S. money order to send a toy back because of something they made wrong with it? Most things just cost 6 dollars to ship it here so that just sounds like a scam to me.
  • edeneve
    edeneve  
    thanks for the review.
  • ZZ
    ZZ  
    Thanks for the great review. Not really surprised to read that this one pinches; I was wondering about whether or not it would do that when I first saw it. It sounds like you at least got a bullet you like from it.
  • Faust
    Faust  
    nice review
  • ImaGodiva
    ImaGodiva  
    Great review, thanks!
  • surreptitious
    surreptitious  
    Thank you guys very much for reading and commenting! @snowminx - it's seriously ridiculous that they ask for shipping on things like that. I mean, if it breaks within 30 days, they should just be shipping you out a new one.
  • FieryRed
    FieryRed  
    Aw, sounds like another great concept that wasn't executed well--unlike your review, which was executed with perfection! You have a great writing style, and some of your phrases are priceless.
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