Cleo massager - discreet massager discontinued by ONO Pleasure - review by Lilith's Girl Friday

There are a number of uses this vibrator could have, but I don't think they're really compatible with the intended usage. Clearly, and despite the name, the Cleo Bath Body Massager is intended to be straddled. There are problems with that usage, which I address thoroughly below, but there are other sexy uses for it.

I would recommend this toy for partner play. You might have someone use it on you when you just needed that little extra kick to get the wave to crash, and then maybe ride the wave for a little while. OR you could use it on a female partner to get her to a stimulated plateau. Cleo will take you so far, and no farther, but it's like a microwave. It'll make something cold hot, and it'll make something that's hot even hotter. Then again, if you have a particular sensitivity to vibrations, you may find that I underestimate this little doo-hickey.

Cleo's owner's manual boasts that the silicone is "silky smooth", and for what it's worth, it is. I have rarely felt such intuitive silicone against my skin. It's like it wants to move over my pussy lips, and honestly I'd like to let it. But what the owner's manual seems to have left out is "hard". There is zero give which makes it painful to straddle with any amount of weight. I suppose if I were a more advanced user of sex toys of this variety, I might find a workaround more easily; but, honestly, if I'm going to straddle something, I want to be able to straddle it.

It is, because it's silicone, odourless, which is good.

As I stated above, the shape of the thing seems intuitive for rocking motions while I straddle it. And, honestly, if there were some way to keep this thing still, I imagine I would be giving a much different review. It seems too small for me as well. Like I say, I'm not 5'2", so maybe that's where I'm getting tripped up. But honestly, shopping for sex toys should not be like shopping for clothes. I shouldn't have to feel like an Amazonian freak when I'm looking to get off. If you're smaller, the toy MIGHT be easier for you to use, but I can't speak to that. On the other hand, if you're looking for a toy that's easy to hide, this certainly isn't it. I mean, it's small enough to go into a toy box, but it does seem to take up a lot of space for something so small. And really, how else are you hiding your toys? I suppose if you're into keeping toys in your drawer, then it's going to look less like a penis to someone riffling through your undies than probably any other toy you've got, so that's a good thing. Right?

A bonus in the design is that you can lock the interface, so it doesn't start vibrating in your luggage. To do this, all you have to do is hold down the (+) and (-) buttons simultaneously for three seconds.

The Cleo has eight pre-set vibrational intensities and six different pulsations. This is, honestly, its best feature. The crew who designed the pulses was very creative. Because there are intensities, the last three pulses are positively musical, so if you're musically inclined, as I am, then this presents a significant attraction. Don't worry, though, if you're looking for something quiet. Cleo makes only low, rumbling noises, and the occasional digital squeak on the sixth pulse setting.

The buttons that make the thing go are placed, as previously mentioned, in an awkward position, just below your ass when you're straddling it. (Not even below your pussy!) So, if you want to change intensities, you find yourself doing a reverse reach-around on yourself, fumbling about for the (+) button.

Again, Cleo is silicone, so you'll not want to use silicone-based lubes. Furthermore, use of acetone, alcohol, or petroleum to clean the thing is not in any way recommended. Extreme temperatures are to be avoided at all costs. Cleo is shower safe, but not necessarily submersible. After the use in the shower, you will want to air out the battery pack to avoid corrosion.

Speaking of batteries, Cleo takes three AA batteries, which are inserted into the base by unscrewing it. That's why I don't recommend submersion. It's not really water tight, is it?

Cleo is marketed as a "Bath Body Massager". It's not. It's a shower Sybian at best. I am unimpressed by toy companies that don't even know what they've made. I would not be caught dead using this on anything but my groin.

The User's Manual gives just enough information to tell you how to turn the toy on, but the toy is so difficult to handle, I think the manual would benefit from some helpful diagrams and suggestions of where and how to use it. The marketing strategy is so shy, though, that that kind of thing is simply unthinkable. In addition, the manual tells you that the toy measures 4.7 x 4.7 x 3.4 inches. To that end, I have no idea what that's a measurement of.

As for the actual package, I can't see me re-using this as a gift box. I mean, if I got the toy for someone as a gift, it's nice and easy to wrap -- being a cube. Otherwise, it rather unimaginatively houses a sex toy.

Maybe I've got a poor estimation of my body, but I thought the double-pommel would be a real asset. I thought I could rock back and forth, alternating between clit and rosebud, but I can't get it to stay still. And I could guess that I was supposed to use the suction cup, but where was I supposed to use that? In the shower? How? On the tub floor? Not likely. My tub's too small for me to spread my legs that far. On the shower wall? Don't think so. If I back against it, it falls off; and if I approach it front-on (which gives better pleasure anyway) I end up hitting my head on the wall. I'm certainly not in the water stream anymore. So, should I use it on the side of the tub? Foolish. And painful.

It's not as though it's worthless, though. I took it to a play party, and it impressed everyone with its sleek design. I sat on one of the beds and let it vibrate me for a while, but of course, once I started the ole rocking motions, it moved under me and I couldn't feel it anymore. Fortunately, there was someone sucking on my tits whom I could get to keep it in place and work the awkwardly placed intensity adjuster. (Kinda seems like HE was the better toy.)