Guys you would never suspect we want to have sex with but we’d totally do:
• Eddie Izzard in full drag
• Alan Rickman
• Dwight Schrute
• Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka
• Steve Buscemi
• Benicio Del Toro
• John C. Reilly
• The deformed guy from Mask because he was nice and also he seems like he’d be really grateful
• Captain Jack Sparrow
• Sam Elliot, but only if he’s talking to us
• Chris Rock, but only if he’s *not* talking to us
• Prince, even though he’s technically smaller than us
• Gary Oldman
• Adrien Brody
• Phillip Seymour Hoffman
• Both of the lead guys on Shawn of the Dead (but not at the same time)
• New Spock
• Schroeder from Peanuts
• Neil Gaiman
• Our best male friend at work whom you assume is gay but actually isn’t
• That limpy doctor on House. I think his name is “House”. And his cane.
• David Bowie when he was in Labyrinth
• Will Ferrell
• Paul Rudd
• Will Ferrell and Paul Rudd at the same time while the limpy doctor from House watches
• Your brother
Guys you assume we want to have sex with but actually we totally don’t:
• Tom Cruise
• Ashton Kutcher
• Our second best male friend at work who actually *is* gay but you don’t believe us
• The guy at the gym whose neck is larger than his head and he can’t put his arms down
• Carrot Top (I don’t even know why I need to clarify this)
• That same secretary at my job that you think is hot, and yeah, I know she’s not a dude but I’ve seen you ogle her and trust me, I could tap that. You couldn’t.
• That’s not a dare, by the way.
• Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka
• Your other brother
PS. Yes, I’m aware that the list of people I’d do is longer than the list of people I wouldn’t do but that doesn’t mean I’m a whore. It means I’m *agreeable*.
PPS. I know I promised you something even more disturbing than clown porn this week but it was so completely fucked up that I can’t even convey it without using my hands so I’m going to have to do a video. An amateur video RE: disturbing porn. For a sex site.
This is all going on my resume.
But what do you think, America? The Bloggess wants to know who YOU would most want to have sex with--vote now!