So recently my friend Kevin told me that lots of guys are shaving their balls because it makes their penis look bigger, which was totally news to me and something I think other girls should know about so I’m reprinting our conversation here:
Me: So guys are going around just shaving their balls to fool girls into thinking they have a huge penis?
Kevin: Pretty much.
Me: So…it’s like your balls have a tiny goatee?
Kevin: Uh…kind of. Or you just shave it all off and make it look like one giant penis.
Me: So if I shaved my coochie it would look like I had a giant vagina?
Kevin: Of course not. It doesn’t work like that.
Me: Well that seems like a double standard.
Kevin: Why would you even want a giant vagina?
Me: I wouldn’t. I just want to be able to have the choice.
Kevin: It’s just an optical illusion. Basically it makes your balls look like they’re part of your penis so it looks longer.
Me: But then you look like you have tiny balls.
Kevin: Yes, but girls don’t care about what your balls look like.
Me: That you know of. Maybe they do.
Kevin: Do they?
Me: Ew, God no! But still, it feels like cheating. I mean, she’s going to realize she’s been short-changed when you start having sex, right? Unless…you stuff your testicles in the vagina?
Kevin: What? You can’t stuff testicles into a vagina.
Me: Well you can if it’s a GIANT vagina.
Kevin: This is why people don’t talk to you.
Me: Whatever. At least I have an honest vagina.