So the new Sex and the City movie is out this week, and if you're anything like me, everyone you know is talking about it. To themselves, I assume, because no one has actually mentioned it to me. Probably because they know I typically only watch zombie movies. But this is a sex column and not a zombie column so that's why today we’re going to have a little Sex and the City Q&A. Let’s start, shall we?:
Question 1: Is it Sex AND the City or Sex IN the City?
Answer: It’s "Sex in the City". I know all the ads say it’s Sex and the City but I’m pretty sure those are all typos. Sex and the City doesn’t even make sense. That’s like ordering a “Sex and the Beach”. No. Just no.
Question 2: Should I be embarrassed that I really want to watch Sex and the City?
Answer: No. I watched From Justin to Kelly: With Love. In the theater. Also, I saw New Moon the first day it was out and I sat next to a girl who was dressed as a werewolf. True story. Sex and the City is kind of high-brow comparatively.
Question 3: Wait, didn’t you just say it’s “'Sex IN the City”? Why are you now calling it Sex and the City?
Answer: Your questions are giving me a headache.
Question 4: Fine. Which one of the Sex and the City girls are you?
Answer: I think it’s ridiculous when grown women stereotype themselves into a caricature of a person who doesn’t even exist when they should be focused on the amazing, unique person that they already are and I’m offended that you would even ask me that. So I’m pretty sure that makes me Miranda.
Question 5: Are you just doing this article so that you can justify taking two hours off work to go watch a movie for “research”?
Answer: I don’t like what you’re implying.
Question 6: I’m not implying anything. You’re writing these questions yourself.
Answer: That’s not a question. Please stick to the format.
Question 7: Mr. Big or Aidan Shaw?
Answer: Aleksandr Petrovsky.
Question 8: Who the hell’s Aleksandr Petrovsky?
Answer: This interview is over.