July 23, 2009

The Top 40 Completely Fucked-Up Things People Are Thinking While They’re Having Sex With You

by The Bloggess

Last week there was a buzz on Twitter when everyone started sharing the thoughts they have most often during sex. It was bizarre and completely unsettling. And also very educational in that you should make your teenagers read it so they don’t get pregnant because honestly after reading this I’m not sure *I* ever want to have sex again.

Top 40 Completely Fucked-Up Things People Are Apparently Thinking While They’re Having Sex With You

• I hope she doesn't think I'm staying the night.

• I hope I don’t cry afterward.

• I hope I don't puncture my bouncy castle.

• I hope he doesn’t ask me to say his name because I already forgot it.

• I hope I don’t fart.

• Did she just fart?!

• What the fuck is he doing?

• Is this car still in drive?

• Why are you choking me?

• Is that a camera?

• Why am I fucking you?

• Did I leave the stove on?

• What color should I paint my room?

• I wonder if she notices my titties bouncing as hard as hers?

• I wonder if he heard me say Mike's name?

• Why would he think *that* feels good?

• I wish he’d move his head so I could see the TV.

• Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

• Well this is disappointing.

• Please don’t keep trying to kiss me.

Who the fuck is Mike?

• Stop screaming or you’ll wake my parents up.


• I should have just bought new batteries.

• Hmm…her right one is bigger than the left.

• If he asks me one more time if its big enough I'm gonna tell him the truth.

• Does she always cry this much?

• Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring? Banana phone.

• It looked better in his gym shorts.

• It's been a good 20 minutes. Time to fake a small orgasm.

• Did I push “record”?


• If another drop of your sweat hits me in my face, it’s over.

• They need to stop playing all these STD commercials.

• I can do this all day as long as she just doesn't turn around.

• Please stop talking to me.

• My ex was better.

• His sister was better.

• His electric toothbrush was better.

• I could be watching "The Golden Girls" right now.

• Beautiful. This is really scratching my rash.

• That’s not me, dude. That’s the pillow.

• Did I just orgasm or pee? Either way he seemed impressed.