Every month I’m flooded with emails of links to stuff that makes me wonder if I need to send out thank you notes or get restraining orders. It’s probably more efficient if I send out thank you notes on restraining orders.

But then I’d need stamps. Ugh. THIS IS WHY NO ONE EVER SENDS OUT THANK-YOU-RESTRAINING ORDERS.

Regardless, this month we had some doozies.

Let’s get started, shall we?

1. Christmas Carols. Just … not the kind you’re used to.



2. Fake ballsack . Cancer included! (The reviews here make this whole link even more awesome.)

3. Santa Bear-otic . It’s pretty much what it sounds like.

4. It’s like they bred a sheep and a sex toy to make a really horrible unicorn .

5. Woody from Toy Story: Possible sex addict.

6. NSFW if you’re a dinosaur.

7. Yep. That’s Uhuru. Totally workin’ it.

8. Prince commissions life-sized statues of himself having sex. Sadly, it was not Purple-Rain Prince. I checked.

9. Dildo shoe. This looks like it would be uncomfortable in so many ways.

10. Realistic Hollywood sex scene. Sort of.