These days you can’t walk outside without stumbling over people doing it on your back porch, but there are some reasons why having sex in exotic locations is not always a great idea.

On the beach

Pros: Seems romantic. There’s a drink named after it. Good place to clean up afterward.

Cons: Everyone else has cleaned up there, too. That’s where fish pee. Crabs. Two words: Vagina sand.


Under a tree

Pros: Fresh air. Romantic. No tan lines. Great place to role-play that werewolf fantasy.

Cons: Bird voyeurs. Actual werewolves.


In your childhood bedroom

Pros: The thrill of getting caught.

Cons: Actually getting caught. By the new owners. Who will charge you with trespassing. After they shoot you.


In space

Pros: You feel skinny because you’re weightless. No one can hear you scream.

Cons: The wet-spot is everywhere.


On the kitchen floor

Pros: I have no idea, but it’s in almost every porno I’ve ever seen so there must be one.

Cons: Everything.


On video

Pros: Everyone will see it (Including that hot guy you’ve been trying to seduce at the gym).

Cons: Everyone will see it (Including your mother).


In an active volcano:

Pros: You’ll both laugh about “how hot this is” and double entendres are fun.

Cons: You’ll die painfully.