February 10, 2011

And Then I Threw A Sex Party

by The Bloggess

Glass dildo juicer:

Not only is it pretty enough to put on your mantle, but its unique head makes it look almost exactly like a fancy blown-glass juicer so you can give it to your haughty mother-in-law for Christmas and enjoy a private internal laugh at her expense every time she makes fresh-squeezed juice with a dildo.


Inflatable boobies:

We weren’t entirely sure what these were for but Ali pointed out they’d make a great head-rest on a long plane ride and would also make fairly suitable water-wings for kids learning how to swim.

RATING = More than fine

Inflatable man doll:

Okay, first of all, the guy on the box is blonde and smarmy and relatively hairless. The doll that came in this box looked like a hairy Charles Bronson, if Charles Bronson had been run over by a car and had lost his penis in the aftermath. Seriously, where is the penis? Isn’t that kind of the whole purpose of a blow up sex doll? It’s like buying a coffee table from IKEA but when you get it home you find out it’s just a box of squirrels.

RATING = Baffling, at best

Overall I’d say throwing a sex party is something everyone should try once. It’s fun, strange, entertaining, embarrassing and uncomfortable all at once, and alcohol makes it way more enjoyable. Although you’re never sure if it’s going to be awkward the next time you see the people you were with, in a public setting. So basically it’s a lot like that other kind of sex party, except with more cookies and no one gets VD.