So, to start off. I did label this as BDSM 101 Pegging, but do want to state that pegging is sometimes included as part of the BDSM spectrum, but sometimes it is completely on its own. So, I guess if a partner says they are into pegging, do not assume they are into the rest of activities of BDSM, as well. But some people do consider it a fairly normal part of BDSM, as well, so I did include that in the title.

So what is pegging?

Pegging is the act of a female using a strap-on dildo to have anal sex with a man. The term was coined by Dan Savage and really has no rhyme or reason as to why it is called pegging. There was a vote, people like the word, and now it is commonly used.
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Why do people partake in pegging?
I think there are three parties in pegging. There is the male, the female, and then the couple. Each one of these parties gains different pleasures from pegging, so I want to go into each one separately.

Men: They get two real types of stimulation from pegging, there is anal stimulation and then there is prostate stimulation.

So the first is anal stimulation. The anus has lots of nerve endings running around that area. The act of stimulating these nerve endings can be very pleasurable. There are women who like anal sex purely because of this enjoyable sensation. Men and women’s bums are, in fact, the same and therefore both can enjoy anal sex. So, when a man is pegged, it is often because he finds anal stimulation enjoyable.


On top of anal stimulation, men are lucky enough to get prostate stimulation. The prostate is a male reproductive organ and when pressure is put on it, many men find it to be very pleasurable. Some men can even achieve an orgasm from prostate stimulation alone or describe orgasms as heightened and better when there is both penile and prostate stimulation. This is different than anal stimulation. The prostate in “up” once you enter the anus or towards the belly button. Many people pick a dildo with an upwards curve, so they can hit the prostate and make the experience more enjoyable.

Women: Women can get stimulation from pegging as well. This largely depends on the toy that they are using. One method of pegging is to use a harness. The harness has straps that go around the body and then an O-ring in the front that holds a dildo. Often times the harness is designed so the base of the dildo sits on top of the clitoris and when the woman thrusts the dildo rubs against her clitoris and provides stimulation. Some harnesses have pouches, where a small bullet can be inserted and this sits on top of the clitoris and causes stimulation.

The second way you can add stimulation to pegging is my own idea that I have not seen elsewhere. You can insert Kegel balls into yourself. When your partner thrust forwards and backwards, the balls will move and jingle. This could lead to some vaginal stimulation and make the experience more fun. You could use Kegel balls and a harness at the same time.

Finally, there are double ended dildos. These dildos have one portion that is inserted into the vagina. The other end sticks out and is the dildo that will be inserted into the male. These dildos cause stimulation as any normal dildo would. An example of one of these would the Fun Factory Share that EdenFantasys sells. These dildos are normally marketed as harness-free, because the vagina keeps them in place. The anus is stronger than vaginal muscles though and once the female starts to self lubricate, it can be very difficult to keep one in place. If this happens, you can use these dildos with harnesses (not all, but there are lots you can use with them).

Both Partners: Then there are aspects both partners will find beneficial and have an experience from. The first is sometimes a dominant and submissive dynamic. This is where the BDSM aspect comes in. The pegger (the woman) is typically the dominant personality and the pegee (the male) is the submissive. This comes from stereotypes of the male being more aggressive and dominant. It also disassociates a male from his penis, which is a symbol of manhood. So pegging is a way of “castrating” him. There is just sometimes a culture in the BDSM community where pegging reinforces this dynamic. I want to make this very clear though-- pegging is not always a dominance and submission activity. It is only sometimes. Some people partake in pegging as equals, with none of the D/S relationship and it works fine. There is just a possibility or an option of being a D/S activity. So, feel free to identify it with either or even both. Sometimes, in my personal life, it is a submissive activity. Sometimes it is just for pleasure.

It also causes both parties to see each other’s point of view. The female understands what it is like to be a penetrator. It is very common for females who do this to go “wow that’s hard”; it is not easy to be the partner who is penetrating the other. It is also just a fun experience. Lots of people like the control, the ability to control the pace, the ability to be a bit more active. Overall, it is just a great way of learning a bit more about your partner and strengthening your relationship.

The male gets a similar experience. He gets to be a penetratee. He gets to understand what it is like to be penetrated. Often this is a relaxing and enjoyable experience. He gets to understand how his movements affect the penetrator. How it is difficult to coordinate. He gets to see the female perspective a bit better. If you peg in a cowgirl (or cowboy better called) he gets to see how difficult that can be. He gets to realize it is hard to gyrate down onto a penis and that it is not an easy activity. There is just a building of trust and closeness and perspective, when you see how your partner often has sex. It helps you to communicate better and have even non-pegging sex in a more enjoyable manner.

So, finally, come suggestions of positions you might want to try out with pegging. These tend to work really well, because the dynamic of pegging is a bit different than normal sex.

Doggy—The male on all fours. The female comes up behind him and inserts the dildo into him. This can be done with both members on the bed or the male on the bed and the female standing off the bed.

Laying on his back—The male sits on his back and often brings his knees up to his chest. The female either is at the edge of the bed and inserts into him or she is on the bed and just slides down until she can enter him.

Cowboy—The female is on her back with the harness facing up. The male climbs on top and lowers himself onto the dildo. Then sex takes place

Spoon—This is normal spooning sex, except the female is behind the male with the harness on and enters the male. Then you just wiggle back and forth and have sex.
These positions tend to be the favorites from people I know, when it comes to pegging. But there is nothing saying you cannot use any position.

Hopefully you have some idea now about what pegging is and why you might want to try it out. If you have any questions feel free to ask them in the comments.