Who Decides What's "Unusual"?
Think about this for a second: who really decides what fetishes are "unusual"? At one point, every fetish probably seemed unusual, whereas orgies and pederasty were totally commonplace in ancient Rome (Crompton, 2003). A sexual desire is not abnormal or unhealthy simply because someone says so. Some fetishes just seem so embarrassing that nobody wants to talk about them. I think that the reach and anonymity of the internet have done wonders for connecting people who share the same fetishes. Even if no one else in your physical life understands, someone out in the expanses of cyberspace does.
Determining Whether Your Fetish is "Acceptable" or Not
A fetish is just a fantasy that triggers a strong arousal reaction, often to the point where it's difficult to climax without that fantasy. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing wrong with having fantasies, no matter what the content. Problems can arise when you try to act them out. In my opinion, the following are characteristics of fetishes that are acceptable to perform:
-Safe: No one will be killed or seriously harmed by acting out your fetish. Obviously, there's a fine line with harm in some situations, such as BDSM, but your fetish should not do permanent physical or psychological damage to anyone involved.
-Legal: Some fetishes just can't be done legally. For example, if you can't orgasm unless you're stealing cars or jaywalking, that might be a problem.
-Ethical: Whether or not the law covers it, there are some situations that are seriously unethical. Pedophilia and bestiality are two examples, since the other party is incapable of consenting. As a less obvious example, maybe that person really wants you to brand or tattoo their skin during sex, but you suspect they're too lost in subspace or substances to be able to make good decisions. This is a tricky area, because a lot of fetishes can be seen as ethically questionable. If your conscience feels guilty over the idea of living out your fetish, it's probably time to do some serious soul-searching.
If your fetish doesn't pass all of these tests, don't despair. You still have options. And again, this doesn't mean that your fetish isn't okay to have! All fetishes are okay to have, even the ones that involve murder or hurting someone. You just can't actually murder or hurt anyone in real life. That’s the big difference here.
Alternatives, Work-Arounds, and Improvements
Some fetishes just aren't feasible in real life, whether due to the considerations above or because they're physically impossible. The good news is, I've discovered ways to "live" out my fantasies without hurting anyone, breaking the law, or defying physics. It's not exactly the same, but sometimes that's better.
I spend a lot of time daydreaming about these fetishes, both alone and with my partner. Sometimes I even talk her into telling me a story about them. Most of the time, this is all I need. If your partner is less than receptive to this idea, I suggest finding a chat-room or message board.
Most fetishes can also be role-played. This is probably old news to most of you with "weird fetishes", but it's worth mentioning. I've never asked my partner to dress up like an alien, but I'm sure she would if I asked. We've very carefully played with strangling, cannibalism, and force, and I'm sure we'll experiment with some of my weirder fantasies over time. EdenFantasys even has handy tentacle dildos that glow in the dark, meaning I'm spared from the fishy consent issues (and, you know, smell) that would be involved in acting out that Dream of the Fisherman's Wife picture.
![Katsushika Hokusai (????) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons](https://cdn4.edenfantasys.com/Images/Repository/2/3/5629.jpg)
I think that it can also help to determine why you're having a fantasy, particularly if it's very sudden. Hormonal changes can influence your desires, particularly as we get older. Life-long fantasies often have underlying emotional components, too. Take five people with an omorashi or golden showers fetish, and I can almost guarantee they will each be seeking a different feeling. One person might get off on the humiliation and embarrassment of peeing their pants, while another might enjoy dominating someone by peeing on them. Yet another could be reminded of the gentle way a parent cared for them when they wet their pants as child, and a different person might just want to show their partner how much they adore them by basking in their urine. If you're even thinking about judging any one of those hypothetical people for their motivations, stop and examine your own reasons for your fetishes. They're probably just as silly-sounding and embarrassing, aren't they? None of us have room to get on a high horse when it comes to fetishes, because we all have fetish-related secrets. Some of us just have more than others.
Whether your fetish is practical or not, you can have a lot more fun if you can figure out the underlying emotions connected to it. If you like the taboo, naughty aspect of getting/holding/expelling enemas, having your partner pretend to film the whole event can make it that much more fun. I probably wouldn't recommend actually filming any of these things, but that's up to you. Someone who gets off more on the control aspect of enemas might enjoy adding bondage and inflatable butt plugs rather than a camera. Open and honest communication is the foundation for any good relationship, so give your relationship with yourself the same courtesy.
Closing remark: if you suddenly develop an intense fetish that could be harmful to others, check with your doctor. Thoughts and/or behavior that are unusual for you may be a sign of a health problem, such as with the man who developed pedophilia due to a brain tumor (BBC News, 2002).
What "unusual" fetishes do you have, whether you want to live them or not? What feelings, memories, or desires do you think they're related to?