Hypersexuality vs. Partner dealing with depression
Depression, as some of us know from experience, can affect many areas of life. When my boyfriend and I first met, he couldn't keep his hands off of me; we were always ending our nights with pleasure. Then my emotions took a turn. I honestly have no idea how depression took hold of me but when it did, it stole my boyfriends lust for me but left mine for him intact. It happened so suddenly. He was never "in the mood." I tried everything from dressing sexy to erotic massage, nothing worked. He still masturbated and this eventually led to me losing it and getting angry. After many discussions and finally having a serious talk about what was going on, I found the answer.
He said it is just easier to masturbate, that he didn't find me attractive sometimes and that he couldn't feel when we had sex. All of these things really hurt me, especially because I had tried and given him every opportunity to tell me and none of these things had happened before. After many nights of talking, the same thing would happen. After each argument/conversation, after things cooled down, we would make up, feel better about our relationship, then he would be horny. I can firmly attribute this to my happiness because when I am in a good mood he wants me and when I am in a bad mood he doesn't. It seems like common sense but when I am constantly flooded by negative emotions and feelings it is hard to filter out what is going on in my head and not reflect them outwardly (consciously or subconsciously).
He was constantly in "I-will-solve-your-problems" mode, which left no room for him to be aroused by me. It is a sad situation to be in especially since I cannot pretend to be happy 24/7 just so he will pleasure me, but it helps that now we understand the reasons behind why he went from 100% sexual attraction to none; he found me cute like a pitiful animal who needs protecting. Things are looking a little brighter since we have to be so open with each other. He acted out one of his fantasies on me because we have the same desire. I am sharing this experience with the readers because I just found out that hypersexuality was added to the list of depression symptoms. In combination with this and being sexually frustrated, it was not a good place to be. I am writing this to say that if you are having similar experiences please talk with your guy and leave no stone unturned. For almost a year I thought that there was something physically wrong with me or my guy and that interfered with our sex life. It turned out to be purely mental. He felt the need to protect me, not make love to me. I appreciate him so much for putting up with me. It takes a true man to help anyone with depression or any aliment just to make it through each day.
On the website Twoofus.org they state that if a man feels consistently antagonized or under appreciated, he may pull away sexually. The site also states that to the extent that you are able to help your partner cope with his or her stressors by assuming additional work on your end or by being supportive, your partner is likely to rebound more quickly and have more sexual energy. I am sure my frustrations and depression led to him pulling away from me and he very much agrees with all of the research I have done to try to fix things between us.
He said it is just easier to masturbate, that he didn't find me attractive sometimes and that he couldn't feel when we had sex. All of these things really hurt me, especially because I had tried and given him every opportunity to tell me and none of these things had happened before. After many nights of talking, the same thing would happen. After each argument/conversation, after things cooled down, we would make up, feel better about our relationship, then he would be horny. I can firmly attribute this to my happiness because when I am in a good mood he wants me and when I am in a bad mood he doesn't. It seems like common sense but when I am constantly flooded by negative emotions and feelings it is hard to filter out what is going on in my head and not reflect them outwardly (consciously or subconsciously).
He was constantly in "I-will-solve-your-problems" mode, which left no room for him to be aroused by me. It is a sad situation to be in especially since I cannot pretend to be happy 24/7 just so he will pleasure me, but it helps that now we understand the reasons behind why he went from 100% sexual attraction to none; he found me cute like a pitiful animal who needs protecting. Things are looking a little brighter since we have to be so open with each other. He acted out one of his fantasies on me because we have the same desire. I am sharing this experience with the readers because I just found out that hypersexuality was added to the list of depression symptoms. In combination with this and being sexually frustrated, it was not a good place to be. I am writing this to say that if you are having similar experiences please talk with your guy and leave no stone unturned. For almost a year I thought that there was something physically wrong with me or my guy and that interfered with our sex life. It turned out to be purely mental. He felt the need to protect me, not make love to me. I appreciate him so much for putting up with me. It takes a true man to help anyone with depression or any aliment just to make it through each day.
On the website Twoofus.org they state that if a man feels consistently antagonized or under appreciated, he may pull away sexually. The site also states that to the extent that you are able to help your partner cope with his or her stressors by assuming additional work on your end or by being supportive, your partner is likely to rebound more quickly and have more sexual energy. I am sure my frustrations and depression led to him pulling away from me and he very much agrees with all of the research I have done to try to fix things between us.
i am sorry to hear that you suffer from depression and that it affected your relationship in such a way. in my experience partners have had the opposite attitude..an "i want to comfort you" even when it came to sex. and truthfully sex is a great anti-depressant at least momentarily. sex is a way for me to get a break from depression. hypersexuality can also be a symptom of bipolar. and it can also be caused by ssri's. tho with ssri's i question if it's a direct correlation or more indirect...i suffered from lack of sex drive due to depression...within 3 weeks of ssri i had the sex drive i had lost for 10yrs.