Obviously, I knew that it involved fingers, but what the heck did someone do with them? And what made it such a big deal that my female relatives would brag about this 'fingering' happening to them? I would hear my cousin talk about it, my older sister would make reference to it, but somehow I managed to be left in the dark about it. Fingering, huh?
"Fingering is the manual (genital) manipulation of the clitoris, vulva, vagina, or anus for the purpose of sexual arousal and sexual stimulation. It may constitute the entire sexual encounter or it may be part of mutual masturbation, foreplay or other sexual activities. To "finger oneself" is to masturbate in this manner. It is analogous to a handjob, the manual stimulation of the penis. These sexual activities may provide sexual pleasure, whether or not used as non-penetrative or penetrative sexual activity.
Vaginal fingering is legally and medically called "digital penetration of the vagina", and may involve one or more fingers."
Thank you Wikipedia. I only wish you were a part of my life ten years ago so I didn't have to suffer in silence over my sexual ignorance. Little did I know that the term I was hearing was something I had been doing on my own for years, at least the self-fingering side of things.
Self exploration is common when you're young, but the way I 'self-fingered' myself was far from adventurous. Way back then, fingering myself consisted strictly of external stimulation. I knew my external pleasure spots and that was all I needed to know. I had no idea that so many wonderful things could come from internal stimulation and it wasn't until it had fallen into the 'old school' way of doing things, did I realize how much I would enjoy it.
As a teenager, getting fingered was a big deal. It was one of those 'bases' that was thrilling to finally slide toward and steal. Kissing - check. Fondled breasts - check. Sliding hand into pants - score! You had won the prize! Finally, all of those wet dreams of yours were coming true! Fingers fumble around, not really understanding where to touch or how firm or how fast. There's nervousness between you both, so communication is out the window; you both just go with it. With practice comes perfection, so why are so many people passing over this basic, yet wonderful form of play?
Fingers; such basic tools that have the ability of producing such great results. Does anything get more ergonomic than them? Your fingers have the ability to rub the right places, provide the right pressure, to stimulate the right areas; why not use them a little more often?
Having someone's hand stimulating your clitoris, having fingers massaging inside of you in search of your G-spot, feeling a finger slide into your anus; this activity is being fingered. Though you can have fingers inserted inside of you while oral sex is being preformed, this is the raw, real, and basic way of being fingered.
Fingering doesn't need to be one of those 'first base' steps in your relationship. It can be a great addition to foreplay and your regular sexual activities. Having a 'hands-on' approach to sexual pleasure is never a bad thing, even if it might seem like a throw-back to simpler times. It's a simple practice, while remaining pleasurable for both you and your partner.
Ready to start back into it? Here are some helpful tips:
- Make sure that your fingernails are nicely trimmed or filed. Having a hangnail or jagged edges to your nails isn't going to be pleasurable to your partner. You don't want to dig into her skin, you want to stroke it and please her, not make it feel like you're trying to find buried treasure.
- Grab some lube. Using lubrication will help your fingers slide smoothly over and inside her body. Since this is a basic exercise and no toys are being used, a silicone lubricant might be best since it's less likely to dry out and need to be reapplied. In a pinch, and could perhaps be a sexy added bonus, using your own saliva will also work. You just want something that is going to prevent you from dragging your fingers across her delicate skin.
- Start externally. Take your time and start on the outer areas of her vagina. Explore her in a way you haven't for a long time. You know how to please her, but this isn't about hitting the jackpot; it's the build up of excitement you receive each time the right number is called out. Tease her, but do so in a satisfying way. Gently trace her labia with your fingertips, only touch the outside opening of her vagina. Please her, but keep her wanting more. The build up is just as important as the climax.
- The perineum is sensitive too! Don't forget about the area between the vaginal opening and the anus. The perineum is also a very sensitive area that often responds well to touch. Make sure that your fingers are well lubricated and massage this area. Though it would be easy to slip your fingers inside of her, try to keep it external as her anticipation is mounting.
- Work your way over her clitoris, rubbing in a circular motion. Use two well lubricated fingers and slide her clitoris in between them, really working around this area, paying attention to what she enjoys best. When she's obviously ready, slip one of your fingers inside of her vagina. Start with just basic penetration and when you feel she's ready, add a second finger. With your palm facing up, take your fingers and slide them against the upper wall of the vagina in a "come here" motion. This area should feel a little bit more textured than the rest of her vagina, and might even feel a little spongy. Don't be afraid to ask if it feels good, to ask what she wants, or have her direct you; sometimes just a little direction is all you both need to achieve maximum pleasure.
- Anal penetration isn't for everyone, but some women really enjoy it. Make sure you know beforehand that this is something she would enjoy, since it would be a rude awakening for someone who isn't into that type of play. Start by making sure your fingers are well lubed and rub externally. Make sure her body is relaxed and slowly slide a finger inside of her. Some gentle thrusting might also be enjoyable to her, but watch her cues to make sure she's enjoying what you're doing. Adding another finger would also be acceptable, as long as it seems appropriate. Do make sure that this type of play is not followed up with inserting those fingers vaginally. That's one sure way to spread bacterial and potential make your lovely lady have issues. Leave anal play as a finishing point, or make sure your fingers are well cleaned before going back to penetrating her vagina with them.
Kissing, caressing, talking, etc. are also very important activities that can and should be involved while you're putting your fingers to work. Connecting with your partner on all levels will help intensify their experience much more.
For a lot of women, being fingered won't be enough to achieve orgasm, but don't let that get you down! It's still a very stimulating activity that produces a lot of pleasure and can be a great way to warm things up before other activities. Sometimes you need to go back to the basics to switch things up a little bit.