I use the term ‘giving’ instead of ‘losing’ for a reason. I gave my virginity to my partner. Nothing was lost or taken. I don’t understand why we use such negative terms for something that should be a positive experience. Of course, it isn’t always, and as I grew up, I never expected it would be. When I talked to my parents about sex, I had always been told not to expect anything ‘magical’ the first time. They said it would be painful, messy, awkward and quick and that it would be better the second time. None of my friends had any advice to offer me, as they were all virgins themselves. Although I had been told it wasn’t a big deal, and I probably wouldn’t remember my first time when I got older, I still wasn’t eager to ‘get it over with’ like a lot of people I knew were. So, I waited until I met someone really special to share that moment with.
And I did meet someone special. Someone who loved me, and who I knew would be careful and tender for our first time together. We waited six long moths until we were ready to ‘do the deed’ and it went better than I could have ever hoped for. Since we were both virgins, we were really nervous and we didn’t know what to expect. We sat on my bed and talked for quite a while before we started the foreplay. Once we were ready, we just did it. Simple as it sounds. There was no pain or bleeding at any point, and we went at it for an hour and a half the first round, took a quick break, and went for another hour and a half for the second round. It was amazing mostly because it was with the right person, but also because we had been prepared for the act, whether we knew we were or not.
Seeing your partner undressed for the first time can be exciting and shocking especially if they are your first partner, or you have never been to this point with anyone else before. Taking time to just look at each other, and touch each other will get you accustomed fairly quickly. There is no need for you to do anything sexual if you don’t want to. You can instead just talk about whatever or cuddle and get used to being close to each other that way. Doing this takes the shock factor out of your first time, and will help your special night to go more smoothly.
Practice Makes Perfect
There are a couple things you can practice together to prepare. First, fingering often over the course of a couple weeks, or in our case, months will help you or your partner get used to penetration. This means you will experience less pain and may not bleed much if at all. Not only will you be stretching the hymen which may prevent tears the first time out, but you will also be less nervous. When someone is nervous, they may involuntarily clench their muscles, making penetration difficult. So just practice it a little. Second, you should practice putting on a condom. If you’re going to use one, which I recommend, you will want to know how. This makes it a lot less awkward.
Foreplay is the Way
Foreplay seems like an obvious choice for most, but if you’re really eager, I can see that you might want to skip it. It is important though, especially for the first time. Just kiss, touch, and rub. Do what feels natural. If you or your partner are not properly aroused, there may be pain upon insertion.
Use a Condom
You may not be crazy about the idea of a condom, but you should use one for the first time if for no reason other than easy clean-up. It’s difficult to clean up afterwards when you go without, and it makes things even more uncomfortable.
Even if you or your partner are sufficiently wet and you are using a lubricated condom, you’ll still want to have a bottle of water-based lube nearby. Things can dry up fast, and when they do, you’ll want to add some lube. Make sure you tell each other when things are getting uncomfortable. Communication is the key.
Make sure you or your partner is gentle and penetrates slowly. Ask your partner if they are okay a couple times and just ease into it. Forcing your way in will hurt and may cause tearing.
I hope this advice may be helpful for someone. This is just what my partner and I decided to do, and it worked out really well for us. Maybe it will work for you too. Just know that no amount of preparation will make your first time great if it’s not with someone you love!