"Maybe when we label people-bride, groom, husband, wife, married, single-we forget to look past the label to the person."
Relationships are hard as it is, and sometimes taking things too quickly can over complicate them. My most recent relationship has for the first time gotten me to question my past relationships and the way I want my future relationship to be. But first you all need a little background.
I've been seeing the same guy for several months now and at first everything was great. We were getting to know each other and having fun, just like any new relationship should. Sadly, he went away for a while and when he got back we figured we'd pick things up where they left off. It seems like a good idea, right? Well shortly after he got back we decided to officially start dating. And again at first things were great. But I began to notice that things were missing. He was no longer the guy I remembered but someone else. The cute lovey stuff began to go away and it was replaced by a lot of insecurity on my part. Basically, things began to fall apart. Eventually, we broke it off but decided to remain friends with some benefits. Since then, things have gone back to the way they were when we first started seeing each other. So what changed...?
During our short lived "relationship," I felt like because we were in a relationship things should just continue to get more serious and I expected everything to stay the same, if not get better. But I believe my expectations of what a relationship should be clouded the fact that they already were. The idea of him being my boyfriend ended up making me expect things from him. So when they wouldn't happen I'd get upset and in turn he would as well. We were driving each other crazy. Yet as soon as the relationship ended, things slowly started to return to the way they were. When we hang out now it's like it was in the beginning. He's sweet and thoughtful; he's kind and adorable and I'm now wondering if the label was our downfall.
As the quote above states, "Maybe when we label people-bride, groom, husband, wife, married, single-we forget to look past the label to the person." Hearing this made me wonder, when we finally got our label, did I forget to remember everything else? I had the label, so basically I had the boy, but I forgot to keep learning things about him, and he did the same. When we were official, we never talked about ourselves; we stopped learning about each other and tried to settle into a relationship. But folks, that's not how things work. Relationships are work no matter what stage you're in. You continually have to keep learning about each other. Continue the experience, don't stop because you have what you want. You reach your goal when you are that person's lover and their best friend all at the same time.
The "break up" was the best thing that happened to my relationship. It reminded me that we have to walk before we run and it reminded him that he still needs to show me affection even if it's just a sweet simple kiss, or cuddling after sex. Labels can obstruct our ideas of how relationships should be, so maybe if you forget the label, take it slow, and remember to always continue moving forward, maybe things won't fall apart. Labels make two people one, but we have to remember the individuals as well as the relationship as a whole. Maybe being in a relationship without the Facebook relationship status, the ring, or the "my husband/my wife" can make things better than anything else. It can make you realize that you're together because you want to be, not because some label says you are.