If you’re anything like me, for most of your sexual life you have done your best to avoid getting pregnant. From the first time I had sex I was worried about making sure that my partner didn’t get pregnant. Even after I married my wife we both knew that we weren’t ready to be parents and went to great lengths to make sure that we didn’t get pregnant.
Until a few years ago that is. We were both approaching our thirties and my wife and decided that it was time to start a family. I was both excited and nervous about this. One of the reasons I was excited was that the one thing I’d always been worried about with sex was now the result we were hoping to achieve and I was ready to start trying.
In Sex Ed classes we were all taught about how sex gets a woman pregnant, but I was never really taught about the ovulation cycle of a woman. The teachers and others who cautioned me against sex always said that a woman could get pregnant anytime that you had sex, which is true, if the woman is ovulating. It was only after my wife and I became serious did I really start learning about a woman’s cycle and how there really is only a small window when a woman can get pregnant. What is astounding is how many accidental pregnancies occur when you think about the really small window there is for a woman to get pregnant during her cycle. But now I was going to try to impregnate my wife, changing the entire way I thought about sex.
I figured that while we were attempting to get pregnant, my wife and I would do it like bunny rabbits and the sex would be this incredibly erotic act. But then reality set in. Yeah, the first few times my wife and I had sex with the express purpose of getting pregnant things felt special and there was new lingerie, but after the first few tries the sex took on a whole different tenor.
It became strange for both my wife and I to be having sex not necessarily because we were turned on, but because this was the time that my wife was fertile and we’d have our best shot at getting pregnant. We hadn’t used birth control pills in our marriage because my wife suffered too many side effects, so when she was ovulating we would avoid intercourse to make sure we weren’t risking a chance at pregnancy. But now we were changing our whole thought process. Instead of avoiding intercourse during her ovulation we were going at it more than we ever had before. Honestly it messed with both our minds a bit, it was going against our pattern for nearly a decade, but we kept at it.
After the first few attempts at trying to get pregnant, the novelty wore off and we both still enjoyed the sex, but it was beginning to feel like more of a chore or something on our to do list than when we were just having sex for fun. I didn’t begin to dread sex, but it wasn’t as much fun as I thought it would be. We actually know the exact time that we got pregnant. We were preparing for a big party that we were throwing the next week and had a to-do list a mile long. That morning before we got started on our list my wife looked at me and said, “I’m ovulating, we should probably give it a shot.” We had been trying for only a few months and weren’t discouraged, but weren’t as excited about trying as we had been. We had a quickie and went about our day.
A few weeks later we found out we were pregnant and everything changed. We were excited about our baby and our sex life went back to a semblance of normalcy for a good portion of the pregnancy. Our little guy is a toddler now and we have begun to think about starting to try for our next child in the next year or so. We both agree that we aren’t going to look at it as a chore like we did occasionally last time, but embrace and enjoy the experience as much as we can.
What makes me nervous this time is that we were relatively fortunate in getting pregnant, it only took us a few months and we had no problems during the pregnancy. I have thought about what might happen if it takes us longer next time, we have friends that have been trying for years without success. I know I shouldn’t think in this way, but if it were to take a long time I would worry about our ability to get pregnant and my manhood to some extent as well if it were to take a long time for us to get pregnant again.
If I were to give some advice to anyone who’s about to start trying to get pregnant I would say have fun. I don’t think we had enough fun the first time around, something I’m definitely planning on remedying this time around. Also, I would say try to keep your sex life as normal as possible. After years of trying to avoid one thing, you’re now trying to achieve that very thing, don’t let it weird you out too much. It is something that will change your life, but you have to not think about that before you actually get pregnant, there’s plenty of time to think about that in the nine months that follows. Now go have some fun.