Is it true?
It seems to be a joke to most people, the idea that as soon as you get married all play and love and fun and sex goes away. In fact, my husband received several nudges while the warning was stated to him before we committed ourselves to each other, even in my presence. I always thought to myself how sad must a person's sex life must be to give such a warning, especially to someone who feels so in love that they want to spend the rest of their life with their special someone.
It does make me wonder though; could there be some truth behind it? Why would the warning be so well known if there wasn't? What is it about marriages that make people fear the loss of something so important?
FIRST COMES LOVE:
You fall in love, its all giggles and butterflies in your stomach, late night phone calls and daydreaming of your special someone. You're both trying to impress each other, trying to be just what you think they want you to be. It's amazing! Intimacy is beautiful and intense. You both take your time trying to please the other person beyond anything that they've ever experienced before. You're open and understanding while learning the things that excite and drive each other crazy. Things get deeper and deeper. You both decide you can't live without the other person and pop goes the question and wedding bells sound.
THEN COMES MARRIAGE:
So then you're married. The wedding is over, the honeymoon was amazing. Now what? You both know just about everything there is to know about each other. You see each other every day; sleep in the same bed every night. You fart in front of each other and leave the bathroom door open when you're using the toilet (or something to that effect!). It's not as glamorous as the falling in love stage would seem to be.
I think that's the part that gets to a lot of people. It's not new. There's no longer a chase. Living life is stressful and busy sometimes. Balancing work, school, family, marriage; it can be a challenge to add healthy intimacy into the mix. But challenging doesn't mean impossible, it's all about how much effort you're willing to put in to make it happen.
Make the time. I think that's the biggest mistake people in long term relationships make. We're all so busy with life that sometimes it's difficult to find the time to really enjoying being intimate with the person you love. But quickie after quickie doesn't exactly feel like you're both still in love and over time certainly isn't sexually or emotionally satisfying. We all need to take a step back from the outside things that seem to creep in and really go back to the beginning. Tiny things make the world of difference, and will really help you to reconnect with your spouse.
Set the mood. Soft music doesn't take long to put on. Lighting a couple of candles doesn't take much effort. Writing a love note only takes a few minutes. Why are we forgetting all these simple things that make such a huge difference? It's not marriage that kills sex, it's our complacency that does. We get too comfortable and too wrapped up in all that goes on around us. If we all took the time to remember how hard we tried to impress in the beginning and acted on that now, maybe marriage wouldn't come with this horrible warning.
Spice it up! It's never too late to bring you both back to where you were or would like to be. Lingerie, new sex toys, different positions (or ones you haven't used for a while), do something risky together! There are lots of ways to spice it up. Surprise your spouse with something sweet or exciting, something they wouldn't expect. Small gestures can turn into the most amazing and intense experiences!
THEN COMES BABY?:
Adding a little pride and joy to your family is such an amazing experience, and while it does take a lot of work, it doesn't have to be the end of intimacy either. It's not fair to use your children as an excuse for not maintaining a healthy sex life with your partner. You both need to be open and communicate with each other. It's all about compromising and remembering what got you to that point in the first place. Sometimes that will mean giving up an hour of sleep to show your partner that you're still crazy about them. Shower together, let nap time turn into your own version of 'sleep' time. Sharing your heart with a child doesn't mean taking any part of your heart away from your spouse. They need that love and attention just as much as they did before that sweet bundle came into your life.
I really think it all boils down to making the time for each other, no matter how stressed out, busy, and tired you are. That's still the person you fell in love with, still the person you decided to commit to for the rest of your life.
You'll never catch me warning anyone about the horrible sexual side effects of marriage, 'cause the warning doesn't apply to us!