"If I can't enjoy the full and total happiness of love, then I want to drain its torments, its tortures to the dregs; then I want the woman I love to mistreat me, betray me, and the more cruelly the better. That too is a pleasure."
A BDSM play party is a place for all sorts of activities including sex, beatings, rope ties, electricity, slave-play, pet-play, fetish scenes and public humiliation or worship. I hope that memorizing these ABC’s will help you, and those around you, enjoy your play party to the fullest.
Never show up to a party wasted. This is an ultimate sign of disrespect to your host, potential partners and even yourself. Nobody wants to fuck the fucked up.
Wear something comfortable. No matter how sexy you look, it’s hard to go an entire night in six inch heels and a corset. If you’re physically uncomfortable, chances are that this will infringe on your sexual prowess.
Caring about others
Never encroach on someone else’s space. Just because other people are playing doesn’t mean you have been invited to join in. Awkwardly stroking someone’s back is only cool if they have asked you to.
Don’t film anything. This will get you kicked out instantly.
Make sure to contain your excitement. It is important to not be too loud during other’s scenes. Giggling or squealing won't get you kicked out of a club, but it also won’t help you make friends.
Make sure that you clean all spilled, accidentally or otherwise, bodily fluids. Even if you wouldn’t normally wear condoms or use dental dams, this would be a good time to start.
If you don’t mind sitting naked on all sorts of clean and dirty furniture, let it all hang out! If you want a little bit of coverage, electrical tape can cover a vulva and cock rings and a cock sock can cover your genitals a bit.
Virgins are always welcome at events. Virgins to the kink scene are always fun to educate and if you ask questions with honesty and genuine curiosity, you will be sure to make friends.
Don’t pretend to know more than you actually do. This could get you in a sticky situation, especially if someone asks you to join their scene.
Because BDSM events are usually “underground,” there isn’t much police involvement and the community is fairly self-regulated. If you have a problem with one of your peer players, you can bring it up to a dungeon monitor, or a party host or hostess.
If you're uncomfortable with blood or extreme pain, make sure to remain in a space where you can avoid seeing anything disturbing...of course, some of us like being disturbed.
Bring your own lube! Don’t forget alcohol wipes and a tiny first aid kit as well, just in case one isn’t provided.
Noise is generally encouraged, but don’t make noise just to make it. If you're genuinely into your scene, chances are, no one will stop you. However, this varies according to place.
Embrace your naked self! There aren’t many events one can attend naked but play parties are certainly an optimal place for the butt nekid.
Remain excited throughout the night. Your adrenaline levels will probably drop about half way through the night and this may tire you out.
Learn to accept other’s kinks and hopefully they will do the same for yours.
Quiet when necessary
Sometimes, at events, a speaker or experienced player will get up to share a speech or scene with the audience. It is important to maintain a respectful silence during these times.
No matter how nasty you are, it’s likely that someone else will be doing something comparable. Don’t be embarrassed, and make sure that both you and you chosen partners- if you're not playing alone- are having a great time.
Making contacts is an important part of attending a play party. You want to be able to attend future events and because these parties are self-policed, it is easy to get blacklisted.
Usually most spaces that rent out for parties, or operate as dungeons, have plug-ins all over. However, don’t expect too much. Bring an extension cord with you if you can, or work with battery operated toys.
We all hope that our scenes will gain attention, but not in a negative way. If your scene is interrupted, it is imperative you remain both cordial and strong. If you allow people to infringe on your space, they will do so without question. Your scene will be ruined and the interrupters will go on to be rude in the future. A quick “Please, back away three feet. We are in the middle of ___” should do the trick.
It’s difficult to be brave and express yourself in front of a room full of people, but just remember- these people are being vulnerable as well. If you respect them, chances are, they will respect you.
It’s fine to imagine doing naughty things to other invitees, or allowing them to do bad things to you, but it’s not OK to act out on these fantasies. Remember to be respectful and accept anyone’s answers to your queries. It is best to ask for someone’s contact information for a future event.
This party may be x-rated, and so might the outfits, but this may be an everyday reality for many people. Have fun with the night and make sure to take a ton of mental photos!
Youth aren’t invited
Play parties are generally 18+ events because alcohol is not usually allowed. Anyone who is above minor age can participate in the events.
Don’t pet or play with anyone else’s pet. Gain their owner’s permission before reaching down to pat a head...or else you might get bit!
Play parties can be fun, safe, and wonderful spaces. If you remember to respect the boundaries or kinks of others- hopefully they, in turn, will try and respect yours. It is important to know a few simple rules before you embark on your first play party adventure. Use the golden rule and, most importantly, have fun!
Please leave questions or additional guideline ideas in the comments below.