One of the biggest questions asked around the EdenFantasys forum is, "How do I spice up my relationship?". It seems like every few days another victim of a dull or non-existent sex life comes around, desperate for answers to this seemingly burning question. The truth is, no one can truly answer that question unless you first figure out the root of the problem and where things went wrong. Life is busy, work is stressful, finances are tight, kids are exhausting, etc.
It's easy to ask the question, but it's much more difficult to reignite the passion when you're dealing with arctic coals. Rewind your mind and take a moment to think back to when you started noticing a change in your relationship. Was there something obvious that was going on when things started going downhill, or did the change just happen naturally? Even if you can't come up with a concrete reason, there are still many things you can do to add some excitement between the frigid sheets.
Open up - Does your partner know you miss the excitement you two used to share? Have you expressed your desires to have a more passion filled relationship with them? If you're not communicating with each other, that is a problem in and of itself. No matter the reason for this chilly season you're in, don't point the finger. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and it takes two people to allow a relationship to fade. Things will never change if your partner doesn't realize how you feel. Do you know how your partner feels? Sometimes starting this important conversation can make you both realize you're not alone in your feelings and discussing them becomes the first step to getting your relationship, and sex life, back on track.
Share burdens - Sometimes removing some of the stress from your partner can be a great mood changer. Get up with the baby in the middle of the night so she can sleep, take out the trash when he's at work so he doesn't have to, cut back on your daily trip to Starbucks if finances are a concern. Balancing responsibility helps to prevent one or both of you from feeling weighed down and frustrated. Set goals together, help with chores, cut back on unnecessary shopping trips; the more you come together with your partner in a general manner, the closer you'll feel intimately.
Make the time - 24 hours in a day x 7 days in a week = 168 hours each week. Out of those 168 hours, dedicate at least 7 to exclusively spending time with your partner. Managing your time can be difficult, especially if you both work long hours or have different schedules, but giving up a little sleep when you're tired, or meeting up during lunch hour makes a huge difference. There are certain situations where it's nearly impossible to physically spend that time together, but even when you're apart you can make the time to show how much you care. Write a love note, call them and leave a message on their phone, even texting a sexy photo of yourself can be a way of showing that you're thinking of them. While there never seems to be enough time in a day to get everything done, the truth is, there's always at least a little bit of time each day to make sure your special someone knows you love them.
Try something new - One of the biggest reasons that sex becomes dull or lacking is because the same actions are preformed all the time. Not ready to show off your yoga skills with a crazy new position? Feeling a little scared that your partner will reject a new bedroom routine? Expanding your options doesn't have to start in the bedroom! Plan a surprise date night and try out a new restaurant. Sometimes a new setting can bring about new feelings. Don't talk about work, the kids, the bills, or anything that might bring on feelings of stress. Compliment your partner, focus on them, hold their hand, and make it obvious that you're enjoying their company. These seemingly small gestures become huge when they're so out of practice, and they often lead to passion filled nights!
Realize that some habits are hard to break - If you or your partner are used to being caught up in the stress of life, deadlines, and sleep deprivation, it may take a while to refocus some of that energy. Changing even small aspects of your life can be a challenge when you're not accustomed to it. Be patient and understanding if your partner is having trouble readjusting. Keep in mind that the ultimate goal is for you and your partner to move forward into a healthier and more active intimate life together, and getting frustrated when you aren't seeing results quickly enough will often lead to more issues rather than resolving them.
Spicing up your relationship and sex life doesn't have to start or end in the bedroom. Sometimes the best way to get back on track with your intimacy is to emotionally reconnect with your partner. Once you've established that, here are a few tips to set your sheets ablaze!
- When your partner arrives home from work, running errands, etc. be waiting for them with nothing on but a smile. Knowing that you've been waiting for them to come home to you can be very arousing, especially if they know pleasuring them is on your mind.
- Shower together. Lathering up each other's bodies can be erotic and great foreplay. It's hard not to get turned on when your hands are all over your lover!
- Forget the bedroom and remember how fun it can be to have sex in another area of your house. Ignore rug burns, and shoot each other sneaky glances when Grandma comes over and sits where the action happened last night!
- Surprise your lover with new lingerie or sex toys. Sometimes just adding an outside element to your playtime makes everything feel new and exciting. Even better, become the sex god or goddess of their fantasies in your sexy new outfit and give them an unforgettable experience!
- Call in sick to work, turn off the phones, lock the door, and forget the world! Explore each other and remember what ignited the fire between you in the first place. Don't let anything distract that, you want to wake up feeling sore in the morning!
- Try something you've never tried before; a new position, a new toy, a new location, etc. Don't allow things to become boring. You can both enjoy all the same things without everything feeling the same.
These are only some of the ways you can reconnect with your partner and enjoy intimacy again. Always be patient and realize that the ultimate goal is to have a happy, healthy, and balanced life together.
What are some ways you and your partner reconnect when things start feeling bland?