As a woman with a predilection for the kink side of things, who also happens to be a mother, I have heard it all, been asked it all, and had to wade my way through the information I was processing in my mind. I know I was one of the lucky ones. In a day and age before 50 Shades of Gray, I was navigating the icy waters of pregnancy and kink, but I had an added element. I was able to find a doctor who was not only kink aware but also kink friendly! To find a doctor who was so open to welcoming kink, to the point that, 9 years later, he is asking me for advice on different possible activities he should caution his current patients against. To top it all off, I found this doctor on a military base!
Since the entire concept is still considered taboo, even amongst the taboo, there is not too much published and widely known about the concepts of Risk Aware Consensual Kink during pregnancy. It seems that, for 9 months while you are pregnant, even though sex is usually allowed, any and all kink is expected to just stop. Do power exchange dynamics end when the submissive partner is pregnant? Is any kink safe while pregnant? I don’t think the entire dynamic has to change, just some aspects and activities have to be altered. It does take common sense to know what is safe to engage in during pregnancy, especially if you do not have a doctor or medical professional you feel comfortable enough to ask about these things.
Before I continue, though, I must state that, before engaging in any kind of kink activities, please be sure to check with your doctor that your pregnancy is healthy enough to engage in sexual activity. While it is usually safe to do so, some high risk pregnancies do require caution when engaging in sexual intercourse. This is NOT intended to replace the advice of your own doctor, but simply to share some activities that will allow you to continue a BDSM/kink dynamic during pregnancy.
After you have confirmed with your doctor that you are able to engage in sexual activity, many subs and slaves do, in fact, continue to engage in some form of their dynamic throughout pregnancy. In fact, many subs and slaves find new, non-sexual ways to live their role in daily life, and they flourish in these altered dynamics, many incorporating the new services into their daily lives after birth.
While I am going to try to keep this list to the most popular kinks and fetishes around, it is impossible to compile a complete list and determine if the activity is safe during pregnancy. For any kink that is not mentioned here, please use common sense and think, does it have any chance to harm the baby? If you are not sure or there is even a remote possibility, please refrain from that activity until after you give birth. Also, this is written from the submissive point of view and I do not feel I would be doing the information justice if I spoke to the safety of a Dominant woman doing any of these activities during pregnancy.
One of the most helpful things is to find a kink friendly doctor. While some women do not have that luxury, it does help if your doctor is welcome to working with a kink/fetish patient. If you cannot find a kink friendly practitioner, you may have to compromise on some things, such as wearing your collar during birth. If you do not know if your doctor is kink friendly, call and ask before giving him or her any of your personal information. I know I was very lucky to find my kink friendly doctor. Also, if you cannot find a local doctor who is kink friendly/aware, remember to use your safe word at the first sign of something being amiss. This is not a time to guess about safety.
Now, let’s talk about the fun stuff, shall we?
Things not to do.
There are a few things one would need to stay away from while pregnant. The one I can think of right off the top of my head is considered to be one of the most dangerous activities to take part in at any time: Breath Play. This activity poses the most immediate danger to a person’s life, pregnant or not, since it can turn fatal in a moment. Any time you restrict the oxygen supply to a pregnant woman can become dangerous. As my doctor friend said "I cannot think of anyone who would condone it."
Electricity play and the violet wand are both no-no’s. If you think about it, while you are pregnant what surrounds the baby? A big bubble of water does. And, what happens when you mix electricity and water? If you are into electricity play, please, wait until after the baby is born. This means no violet wand, no shock collar, no cattle prod, not even one of those bug zapper paddle things.
Now, let’s talk about whipping. The very nature of the tool causes it to be very hard to pin point and control exactly where those ends of the whip will land, no matter how experienced someone is with using the whip. How many of us have felt a stray whip tail somewhere it was not intended simply because one tail decided to act differently than the rest? Not even Indiana Jones would be advised to use a whip on a pregnant submissive. There is too much risk of striking the belly area and harming the baby. I don’t care what Christian Gray did to his wife in 50 Shades, there is too much risk. And the risk of a misplaced or errant tail only increases as the number of total tails increases. That means no single tails, no bull whips, no vipers, no cat of nine tails; I think you get the picture here.
If there is one activity under normal circumstances that carries as much danger as breath play, it is bloodletting, either intentional or accidental. This is even more dangerous during pregnancy. The increased blood volume can lead to easier bleeding and more difficulty clotting. Since you are supplying blood to not only yourself but the baby as well, one false move with a blade can lead to disaster even quicker than normal. It is better to be safe and leave the blades and needles alone until after birth.
Tight bondage is also off limits. If you make bondage too tight, and leave it on for too long, you can disrupt blood flow to your partner’s limbs, breasts, and belly. While this is dangerous to any extremity of a pregnant woman, it is even more dangerous if you restrict circulation to the belly and breasts. Suspension bondage is also a bad idea because of the extra weight. This does not mean bondage is completely off limits during pregnancy. This is a good time to get back to basics and engage in light bondage and rope work, avoiding breast bondage or anything around the belly area. You can still sleep with cuffs around the wrists and ankles, or in the Gorean fashion of the left ankle chained to the bed in some way. Just be aware of your body’s reactions.
Consensual non-consent, also known as rape play, is another no-no during pregnancy. Rape play by its very nature is a violent activity, both physically and mentally. What a woman may usually enjoy when not pregnant may be too much for her to handle during pregnancy. Pregnancy is a very emotionally charged time for a woman. Many women who normally enjoy rape play cannot handle the mental violence associated with this activity during pregnancy, so it is better to save it for some night after the baby is born.
Are you a fan of wearing latex and rubber? If so, this is another kink to hold off on until after the baby is born. These clothing items are very restrictive and constrictive and, if worn for long periods of time, they can hide symptoms of potentially fatal pregnancy complications such as swelling of the legs and feet, which can mean issues like toxemia.
This may seem like a lot of don’ts. This is a time to be very cautious.
Things you can enjoy.
It is also a time to explore and rediscover your submission and service. Many submissives I have spoken to say this has been a time for them to rediscover some of the basic things they have forgotten as their relationships have progressed.
There is an inherent power exchange evident when a woman takes a facial or cum-shot. The act of taking a cum-shot on your body can be very submissive and adds an extra level of kink to oral sex. This gets lost on many experienced, long term power exchange couples and can be rediscovered when done during pregnancy.
If your doctor has not advised you to refrain from orgasm (as mine did), orgasm control can enhance play and extend a control and conditioning that can enhance things after pregnancy. This is a good time to enjoy this activity since there is a restriction on other activities. Stimulating until you are just on the edge then backing off over and over again until the Dominant partner gives permission to orgasm provides the masochism many submissives need. There is also a hidden advantage here. Being able to condition yourself to control your orgasms can, in fact, speed up labor for some women when the time comes!
Writing a graphic, erotic story for your Dominant partner can give you a way to spice up your post-baby sex life while still pregnant. Writing a narrative featuring both you and your partner can give you an outlet to explore your kinks and fetishes without engaging in the activities that may be too dangerous right now.
Mild pet play is also a good thing to explore while pregnant. This is, of course, provided some simple guidelines above are followed. When I was pregnant, there was nothing better than curling up (as much as my belly would allow) and nuzzling into my Husband’s side. Discovering your inner kitten or puppy can be a safe, quiet thing to explore while pregnant. And what better way to pamper and spoil a cherished submissive than by treating her like a precious kitten or puppy while she rests during pregnancy?
Foot worship is still fun and permitted during pregnancy. When you are pregnant, you can still lick, kiss, and suck toes and feet while pregnant if you can handle it once morning sickness has passed. Using a toe or foot to enter the vagina is not advised, though.
Those of us who like pain, though, are not completely without an outlet. You can still take part in open handed spanking and paddling as long as they stay in a safe area (backside down) and you are not on your tummy to receive the swats. Just be sure to remember your safe word and use it if it gets to be too much for you. Your body is changing and you may not be able to handle things as much as you did before pregnancy. The back of the thighs is also an okay area but I would avoid the breasts as they tend to be more sensitive during pregnancy.
The same things go for clamps. Clit clamps are okay in moderation. But I would leave the nipple clamps in the drawer with the weights for any kind of clamp. It may stink, but it is only for a few months.
As always, when you are playing with a pregnant submissive, you should take care to not leave her in one position for too long and pay attention. Any sexual play should be stopped immediately if she is feeling any discomfort at all, if her water breaks, or if she says she just feels “off.”
There is no such thing as being too cautious when you are engaging in a total power exchange or kink relationship with a woman who is pregnant.