About the Clitoris – A Little Practice
Before we start, guys, you need to know what and where the clit is. It is essential to be able to stimulate it correctly! The clitoris is a small bud, the most sensitive part of female genitals, about the size of a small pea or smaller. The bit of the clitoris that you can see protruding is part of a much larger organ that extends inside.
The clitoris shares the same components as the penis; they’re just hidden from view. It is found at the top of the labia. Trace your fingers from her navel down, in the middle. You will first reach the pubic area (shaved or hairy). Go south until you feel a little ‘opening’ where the two labia meet. In that little hollow is the clitoris.
Now before you get too excited and you start to rub, you need to know something about it. You know how very sensitive the head of your penis is? You don’t want to handle it roughly, right? Well you entire penis, including the head and the shaft contains 4000 or so nerve endings. The tiny bud of the clitoris contains 8000, which means about 200 times as many nerves per square inch! So you need to be careful with it.
The clitoris is covered by a hood that you can pull back, and it can be stimulated either directly. Before you do so though, make sure your partner wants “more”, as to some women direct stimulation can be downright painful. Also, keep in mind that with the monthly cycle the blood flow in the genital region changes periodically, as does the sensitivity. So one day it might be okay to pull it back, another day it might be better not to.
Before We Start
Before we would go onto different techniques, there are a few more things to note.
Get her in the mood first
While the clit is the magic button to pleasing most women (according to statistics, 70% of women cannot reach orgasm without clitoral stimulation) it is unwise to start working on it right away. You need to get her in the mood first. Kissing, romantic dinner, naughty words, stroking the right places – you know what gets her turned on.
Hands and nails
As it is her most sensitive part – you really don’t want to hurt her there. So clip your fingernails and check to make sure they are smooth with not pointy, scratchy edges. Also check for bits of rough skin, as they can have the same effect. You might want to use some hand lotions to keep your skin soft. Taking care of your own body isn’t ‘feminine’, so don’t be afraid to do so.
Never touch the clitoris without lubrication. You would not want a dry touch on the head of the penis, right? So, lube up! You can use saliva, her own juices (if there is enough of it), or personal lubricant. If the latter, choose something that’s female-friendly. Stay away from oil based ones; never use Vaseline as it could promote yeast infections. Only use silicone based ones if you are sure you will not use a silicone toy later, you don’t want a reaction right on her most sensitive bits! If she is properly aroused, in most cases natural lubrication will be all you need – but there are dry spells through the menstruation circle, so make sure it is enough.
If your girlfriend has sensitivity problems, is not quite in the mood, has a hard time reaching orgasm, etc., you can throw in special enhancing lubes and gels for a better effect.
When you play with the clitoris, applying lube at the beginning might not be enough. Make sure the area is well lubed throughout the whole session, as it can be absorbed or it can dry off. If you are going all natural, you might want to scoop some juices from the opening of her vagina to replenish what is gone. While the entire genital area is provided with natural lubrication, the vagina has the strongest one – for obvious reasons.
Choosing a position
It is important for both of you to be comfortable. You might need a long time to get your partner off; you don’t want your muscles to cramp just before you’re there. Also, being uncomfortable can prevent her from feeling all relaxed.
Stimulating the clitoris might not be the only thing you would be doing at the time – you might be licking her pussy, fingering her, kissing her nipples, or having anal sex – whatever you two like. Playing with her clitoris is a good idea under any circumstances anyway. But you need to choose a position that leaves her clit accessible, obviously. You do not have to stick to one position all the time, you can change if you want – but do so when you are changing the type of stimulation too. Don’t do it in the middle of the things. If the main thing that will get her off will be the clitoral stimulation, ask her how she masturbates: legs closed or open. Using the same position will make it more likely to bring her to orgasm if you are still learning the ropes. Granted, closed legs allow less of an access and deny a visual to you, but you can still feel what you are doing. Closed legs have the advantage that your fingers would be massaging the inside of the lips at the same time too.
Here are a few suggestions to try:
On the table:
Her lying on her back on the table, legs apart. This places her at a convenient height for you to stimulate and reach her.
This is a good position for both penetration and clitoral stimulation, as you can reach around her and stimulate her clitoris. The drawback is there is no eye contact possible and some women find it embarrassing. For more comfort she can rest her upper body on the bed.
This allows for simultaneous stimulation, the only drawback is that being stimulated you might not be able to pay as much attention as you would like. The advantage is that this places you in an “unusual” angle that might provide unique sensations.
Make sure she understands you love what you are doing. If she feels you are just going through motions so you could stick it in at last it will be a huge off-put. Also paying attention to her other body parts will prevent her from feeling like she is merely an extension to her genitals.
If she says something, comply. She knows what she likes and asking for more, for faster, for slower or for different moves is to help you understand her body better, not to criticize you.
Go slow and gradual
When you get to stimulate her genitals don’t go straight for the clit. You can start with stroking the inner thighs. The lips are also full of nerve endings, as is the vagina entrance and the perineum (spot between anus and vagina). Don’t neglect gently stroking/licking, teasing and perhaps even praising them before going to the clit. These areas feel nice to be stroked and create anticipation. The anticipation will build a very good kind of tension.
If you never tried it
Ask her to masturbate using your hands, so she can show you how she likes it best. You can learn how her clit should feel to you. Learn the pattern, speed and pressure, it can be a fun bonding experience and she will appreciate the thoughtfulness too.
Pulling the lips apart
This does not only make the clit easier to see – it will “stretch” the skin and parts around the clit, making it more sensitive and easier to add pressure exactly where you want to. Some of the techniques described below are two handed – you can ask your partner to pull them apart for you. It would also leave you a free hand to stroke her legs with one handed techniques.
Applying different techniques to charm her is a good idea, especially for teasing and turning her on. But when you are in the finish line, heading for the big O, keep a steady rhythm and pressure. If she is not very close yet, a change in stimulation can prolong the game and make her orgasm more intense. But when she is very close you do not want to change anything unless she tells you to, because a change in anything can set her back. Like, way back. It can kind of kill the mood and make her frustrated, or it can trigger an instant, less good, less powerful orgasm that will leave her unsatisfied.
How do you know she is getting close? Every woman will have different signs, but there are some universal types. She might start to lift her pelvis slightly. She could be moaning or panting more loudly. She might tell you so. Maybe she’s gripping onto the bed covers or you tighter or her head is falling from one direction to the other. Her breathing might be coming in shorter gasps, or in cases of an intense orgasm, she might start sweating hard – especially in places her body touches itself, like at the bend of the knee.
Different Techniques to Try
Draw circles around her clitoris – but keep from touching the clit or the hood itself. It is a good technique if she is too sensitive and it is good for starters because it builds up tension. You can vary it by starting at 12 o’clock, going a circle anti clock-wise, than going back clockwise. It will make her moan and beg for more! You can trace the circular pattern on less than a full circle – like only the lower part, only the left side, etc. You get the idea.
Still a bit of a teasing technique, though a bit more intense. Start circling her clitoris from the outside, and draw smaller and smaller ones until you reach the middle, than reverse direction, and circle out. In and out, until she is wet and ready to have her clit directly stimulated.
Touch her very lightly, teasingly, like your fingers aren’t there at all. It is another great teasing technique – when she pushes her pelvis against your hands you will know she wants more.
This technique is for building up tension or for the too sensitive clitoris. This time you want to stroke the hidden, buried part of the clitoris we already talked about. Stroke the inner side of the labia, using a steady pressure and speed, up and down. They go from the clit to the vagina in a fishbone pattern, hence the name.
Move your finger over the clitoris from left to right, right to left. Make sure you stroke the inner side of the labia too, and the sides of the hood. It is a great technique for arousing, as depending on the direction of the stroke you will hit the clitoris from different angles, causing a variety of very nice feelings.
You can vary the tick-tock motion by adding a little curve to it, moving your finger on the path a pendulum: start up from above and on the right from the clit, stroke your finger down and left in a circular motion, and up on the other side, making a semi-circle, the clit in the lowest point of it. You can do it in the other direction too, placing the clit at the highest point of the semi-circle.
The Two Fingers
This is a very popular technique among women for masturbation, and a good choice to try to bring her to orgasm, as it stimulates the clitoris on several sides at once. You just need to figure out the correct speed and pressure.
Place two fingers (middle and forefinger) close together over the clitoris and stroke down, in a way that the clit would be in the ‘crack’ created by the fingers, then pull back. This way your two fingers rub each side of the clit. Stroke against the upper part as you go down and against the lower part as you pull back.
You can vary the length of the strokes too. Some women like it long, going nearly to the vagina. This will stimulate more nerve endings and build to greater pleasure, but it will reduce the relative time spent on the clitoris, so it will take longer to help her reach orgasm. Some women enjoy the feeling of your fingers passing over the urethra too (it’s about halfway between the clit and vagina). If your partner seems to like it, it might be worth to do middle-length strokes.
The short intense strokes are good for a rapid release.
Two Finger Circle
This is the second one of the most often used techniques, also good for the finish line. Put your two fingers on the two sides of the clit, and move them in circular motion. First you might want to go lightly. First you will first stroke both sides, and then the underside, then one side, the upper side, and both sides again as you complete the circle. Later on she might want stronger stimulation and more pressure, which might ‘drag’ the hood with it.
It is a variation of the two finger circle. You place your fingers on the two sides of the clit, and draw an 8 around it – a circle on the right, a circle on the left. It has the same advantages as the circle, only it stimulates all sides equally.
This is a one finger technique. Draw very tight, small circles around the clitoris, always touching the side, from one direction. If your partner wants a bit more stimulation you can press against the clit a bit, like you wanted to push it aside a bit. Be careful with the applied pressure though. It feels very different from the two finger circle.
Stroke the clit from up to down only. You can do it either with one finger, giving it a healthy rhythm, or you can do it with two fingers alternating. You can vary it to go it from down to up.
You can stroke the clit up and down in a diagonal direction. This is a good technique between changing techniques. If you want to keep it intense, make short strokes, barely over the clit.
Sometimes she is too sensitive for direct stimulation, or maybe she will want stimulation on a bigger area. Also, it is a good technique to arouse her further if she is not wet enough yet. Close the lips, place your palm over her entire pubic area, and press down on it with a pressure she likes. Then move your palm in small circles, ‘dragging” the lips with you. Another variation is not to draw circles, but put more pressure on her and let up in very rapid, ‘vibration-like’ patterns.
Sometimes there is just no lube around (spontaneous sex), sometimes the situation does not allow oral (like, let’s say, you have herpes on your mouth?). Maybe she hit a dry period, and she is turned on like hell, but not wet enough (it is a technique I myself use oftentimes in such cases). Or maybe she is just too sensitive for direct stimulation.
Pinch together her lips between your fingers (like your forefinger and middle finger were chopsticks). Make sure not to pull the skin too tight, but it should not be lax either. If it is too tight, moving your fingers will hurt her, if not too tight, the feeling will not be satisfying enough. If you pinch the lips like that the big surface will cause less pressure on a given surface. Make sure that after you pinched the clit is directly between your fingers, only under the lips. Now don’t let go of the lips and start to rub in circles! You need to apply a lot of pressure, as the thick layer of the lip will mute the feeling.
Use your thumb to rub her clitoris in circles or from side to side. This is best combined with fingering. Your forefinger and middle finger would be in her vagina, your thumb working on the bud. It allows for a bigger area of stimulation at once, but a less precise one. It is a great help in giving her an intense g-spot orgasm.
You do not necessarily need to bring her to orgasm with playing with her clit if you can show her a good enough time. You can finish with a vibrator, with your tongue, or even give her a g-spot orgasm. As I said, rubbing the clit might not always be the main event, but surely it will be always appreciated. If you can make her orgasm this way, however, you get to see her come. Most women like the stimulation to continue while they are orgasming, but afterwards the clitoris becomes extremely sensitive. Depending on her mood, person, cycle, it can be unbearably so. So once she comes you want to ease up on the stimulation, even if you want to continue playing and aim for a second orgasm.