For approximately two-and-a-half minutes, I felt sort of bad about not having a romantic scene with which to frame this particular review. But then I realized that the Fun Factory’s Stronic Eins isn’t really a romantic toy. It’s more of a …
“It’s a fuck machine!” Susan says, with more enthusiasm than I can possibly get across in mere text. “It’s not a romance toy; it’s a fuck toy, and it’s cool as shit, and tons of fun!”
How can I possibly follow that discerning and insightful commentary with any of my own? “You don’t need to,” Susan says. “Let me talk.
“You know that contraption you sometimes see in porn movies? A dildo attached to a long mechanical arm attached to a motor sitting on some cart in some sex toy laboratory or sparsely decorated bedroom? A woman lies down in just the right position — and, apparently, at the perfectly calculated distance — and then the motor-driven dildo does the rest. That’s a fuck machine, right? I admit, it’s somewhat intriguing, but once you put any actual thought into the logistics and mechanics, it gets rather ridiculous pretty quickly.
“The Stronic Eins has all of that intrigue, but none of the ridiculousness.”
Not Your Mother’s Vibrator
Indeed, on the outside it looks like a perfectly nondescript vibrator with a gentle upward curve at one end and three operational buttons at the other. As a matter of fact, the most eye-catching feature is the bright red button marked “FUN” that turns it on and off. The adjacent plus and minus nodules cycle through different functions. (And honestly, how did it take a company this long to label the on button for a sex toy as fun? Genius.)
The mechanics of this toy, however, are anything but nondescript. Still, the first thing we need to tell you is that it’s absolutely not a vibrator, and there’s very little, if any, clitoral stimulation. The product website calls it a “pulsator” that utilizes “innovative motor technology, in which solid metal moves in a hollow body.” Beyond that, I can’t explain how it works, but I can say the end result is a phallic, g-spot-targeting device that forsakes frenzied buzzing patterns for more deliberate and unhurried throbs.
“It was a welcome change,” Susan says. “I almost always end up using vibrators at their fastest constant setting. They give me orgasms, no doubt, but there’s something rushed about them. They’re orgasms with this overriding sense of urgency. I have enough of that outside our bedroom. I like the slower buildup.
| http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/g-spot-vibrators/stronic-eins | Buy it at EdenFantasys.com! ]“I also really like insertion. Regular vibes are designed to be in direct contact with the clit, and that feels good. If you push it inside, though, the stimulation is interrupted. The Stronic is meant to be inside.”
Judging by the dimensions — nearly six insertable inches with a five-and-a-half-inch girth, not too big, not too small — and the comfortable high-grade silicone, Susan’s observation about the design’s intention seems correct. “Yeah, the size is nice, but I was talking about what it does inside,” she says.
“Yes,” she continues. “Engineering-wise, it’s an amazing piece of equipment. Rydell can use words like ‘throb’ and ‘pulsate’ all he wants, but the simple truth — and the best way to describe it — is that it feels like this thing is fucking me. I couldn’t even comprehend it the first time. I’m lying on the bed, Rydell is sitting next to me, and this simple-looking gizmo is just going to town between my legs. Not full strokes, of course, but when I slip it in (use a little lube) and turn it on … I don’t know what all is happening with that solid metal in the hollow body, but it really does feel like it’s moving in and out on it’s own. It’s crazy.”
Allowing the Stronic to work on its own is key.
“Once it’s in position, I just keep a couple fingers on the base to be sure it stays put,” Susan says. “It fits so well, though, that I can usually pull my hand away without much problem.”
Just don’t pull it out at the wrong time. During our first session, I grabbed the handle end and started moving it around and back and forth, exactly as I would with a typical vibrator. “He actually pulled it out right when one of the crescendo throbs was about to hit,” Susan says. “I slammed my hands on the bed and told him to stick it back in. That’s when we learned that you just let it do its thing.”
It’s also when we learned that intense stimulation isn’t necessarily reserved for sex toys that buzz at a gazillion gigahertz. In fact, of the 10 pulsation modes — ranging from constant to oscillating to crescendo arrangements — Susan preferred those that are at the lower end of the frequency scale. “My favorite is one of the slowest,” she says. “But it creates this mental anticipation that drives me nuts, and each time it thumps against my g-spot — and it does hit me at the perfect place — my vaginal muscles tighten and I creep closer to one of those long, drawn-out orgasms.”
Out of curiosity, we actually timed the beats of Susan’s favorite setting and discovered that it pulsates about two times per second. “For a toy, that’s not very fast at all,” she says. “But it feels like a slow-motion jackhammer in my pussy.”
Or her own personal non-ridiculous fuck machine. “Exactly!”