When you're in bed with someone, it is a very intimate thing of course, but often there can be a disconnect. Think about that person you slept with that just didn't click with you. Was it their technique? No. It wasn't their breath or the way they looked or else you probably wouldn't have gotten in bed with them in the first place.

Let me tell you about the worst sexual partner I ever had. She was a great girl, one you'd take home to meet your parents. She was sweet, funny, liked music and good food, was fun to talk to and was beautiful. The problem was in the bedroom. Not necessarily with her technique, but with her mouth. She never said anything in bed, at all. You know those little moans and sighs that can drive every man on this planet wild? Never heard one from her. She was just silent in bed, and in general about talking about sex, but especially between the sheets. When she orgasmed (at least I think they were orgasms, she never wanted to talk about anything sexual), she took a deep breath and then exhaled after she was finished cumming, but otherwise nada.

I tried talking to her; I was worried that it was me. She assured me that she was having a great time, she just didn't make any sounds. She thought those type of sounds were weird and she didn't do them naturally anyway. And that is fine for her, and I hope she is happy with whomever she wound up with. But it was a major thing in our relationship the lack of communication, or just plain dirty talk in bed.

I'm not saying that every woman should be like a porn star in bed and scream repeatedly about what is happening and how good it feels while it's going on, but a little vocal communication not only assures me that I'm doing something right, but it also revs me up as well. I also don't want someone to "fake" their sounds either. But hearing some natural sounds in bed are always a great way to know that the other person is enjoying what is going on.

But there is another part of talking in the bedroom as well, and this is something people aren't as familiar with. It's talking dirty not only in the bedroom, but anywhere. Talking dirty is nothing new. One of the best ways to spice up an evening is that dirty little something you whisper into your lover's ear. But talking dirty can be difficult for sure. I do a lot of writing about sex and feel very comfortable doing it. But I still get nervous talking to my wife at times and we've been together for over a decade. I can only imagine what it would be like trying to do this with a relative stranger. But over time I've tried to realize what makes me feel comfortable, and when you're comfortable you feel sexy. So below I'm going to talk about a few ideas for sharing with your lover to spice up an otherwise staid evening.

1. Be Comfortable: Talking dirty is fun, both for you and your partner. But only if you feel comfortable in what you're saying. There is nothing less sexy than someone talking about something that should be sexy, yet they sound about as unsure and nervous as anyone. If you don't believe it or feel comfortable talking about, how in the world are you going to be comfortable enough to actually follow through on your verbal boasts? If you've never talked about or engaged in BDSM before, don't walk up to your lover at a party and whisper something along the lines of, "I want to take you home and tie you up and flog/whip/paddle you!" If you're not comfortable talking about it then you're less than likely to be able to follow through later on. Start small, something along the lines of, "I want to take you home and make love to you all night long." I know it may sound tame, but it is something that most are much more comfortable saying something like this than jumping right in at the deep end. And if you are comfortable starting with something more advanced, feel free to go ahead and jump right in. You'll certainly surprise your lover and maybe start a whole new adventure.

2. Know When To Make Your Move: Figuring out what you are comfortable talking about is the first step to talking dirty to your lover. The second step is knowing when to talk dirty to them. Your aunt's funeral, not the best time to talk about what you want to do to your lover later on. A boring cocktail party for work, a perfect time to walk up behind your lover and talk about what you want to do to them. Other places that are perfect are weddings, family gatherings, the movies, dinner, there are all sorts of places that are perfect for this type of talk. I will say that many places where I've suddenly gotten the urge to talk dirty to my wife that would seem odd, church and doctor's appointments especially.

3. Know Your Audience: Not only do you need to know when is an appropriate place or time to say something dirty, but also you need to be able to judge your audience. If your lover has had a horrible day and seems to be mad at the world, I doubt they're going to be receptive to your advances. Trust me, I've made this mistake before. Also other times that aren't the best time to lay one on them would be any time they're sad or upset, when their mother is in town or in the middle of a fight. Trust me, I have experience with all of these. Now when they've had a great day, gotten a promotion or at the beginning of a vacation are prime times to surprise them.

I'm not pretending to be an expert by any means, in fact I'm about as far from an expert on this as you can get, but I can talk to you from experience. Being comfortable with what you're saying, and being honest is key. Knowing when to say what you want is also important. But if you manage to judge the situation right and say what turns you on you could be in store for a fantastic evening and it can also be just the thing that you need to spice up that boring holiday party you always are stuck going to.