I have read numerous times on forums where people ask how do I talk dirty to my partner? Often times they say they do not know what to say, they are unsure about how to go about doing it, and they feel awkward doing it. So today I want to share some tips about talking dirty.
Step 1: Talk To Your Partner
Certain people hate certain words. They make them cringe, and it is psychologically unpleasant for them. So negotiate and discuss limits with your partner before you start playing. Words like “cunt” and “bitch” can really set people off. Or some people associate words with bad things. Certain guys don’t like the word “daddy” used about them. So just sit down and discuss limits with them. This is to just make sure nobody is hurt during your scene. In my opinion, you likely only need to do this once.
Step 2: Leave Your Pride At The Door
The next step is to relax and be able to make fun of yourself. Talking dirty for me personally was not an easy experience initially. I was always analyzing what I said, and I was always thinking was that really sex? Does she think I am weird? What if I said something wrong? But then I thought about it and every time my girlfriend has talked dirty to me one of two things has happened. I have either burst out laughing, or was extremely turned on.
When I have burst out laughing I have loved it. Sometimes something hilarious is said. Or it's just awkward. Or it comes out wrong. Or they mix something up, and it is hilarious. And I am not laughing at my girlfriend. I am laughing with her. Often times when I repeat what she said, she will start laughing too. And honestly that leads to both of us being turned on. It leads to kissing, and wrestling, and just having a good time. So don’t analyze everything you say. Get lost in the moment. Even when you say something silly, or stupid, or weird, I bet your partner will like it. The two of you can laugh it off and have a good time.
The other event that happens when my girlfriend talks dirty is I am extremely turned on. Even the small things can be huge. “You’ve been a bad boy” and “I want you so bad” are a huge turn on. Often times I have tried to make elaborate, smooth flowing, sexy dirty talk, but it doesn’t need to be. The vast majority of the time it does not matter what she says. It is sexy. So stop thinking so much; your partner likes you and will appreciate your dirty talk regardless.
Step 3: Evaluate
After you have had a session of dirty talk, well, talk about it. What did you like? What did you dislike? Certain people will find they really like submissive words used about them and being objectified. Other people like their body really being described. Others like knowing how their partner feels. Others like some roleplaying. It is all highly individual. But you are not going to know what your partner likes if you do not ask them. So sit down and find out what their favorite words and phrases are and keep using them. Find out what didn’t do it for them and ditch those words and try some new ones next time. This is also the time to apologize if they were offended or help with any psychological trauma they received. Learn about their experience and build upon that for the better.
Step 4: Practice Makes Perfect
I did say that initially your sessions will be awkward, and they still work, and that is true. But also realize they will get better. Once you find a groove and are comfortable and know what your partner likes, then talking dirty to them becomes easier and easier. You get to be very smooth at it. You develop scenes and scenarios and phrases and it becomes easier. You think about it less and just do it more. And your sessions will get better. What used to be great is now amazing. Your partner is now a cunning-linguist and is a master at pleasing you with his/her mouth (I couldn’t resist that joke). But in all seriousness, the more you talk dirty the better you get at it, and the better both of you will feel. Sex the first time for you was likely clumsy, but as you tried more you got better at it. Talking dirty is the same way. It is a skill you can build upon and get better and better at.
So I think the main take away here is just go for it. Leave your inhibitions and try talking dirty with your partner. It will be awkward, but neither of you will care; you will be too busy having amazing sex. And just remember communication is always huge in a relationship, so continue talking about your “dirty talk” and how you can improve it.
As always if you have any questions feel free to ask in the comments.