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Teenage Sex With A Dose Of Heartbreak

Teenage Sex With A Dose Of Heartbreak Post Secret
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Teen angst at its best. I wrote this when I was nineteen years old. He was my first love. He broke my heart. I broke his right back, and in the worst way. He ended up marrying the girl in the end, but that is how many of my fairy tales work out. He was my first true love, but he wasn't my last. He was her last true love. They are happily married with a baby, and another on the way. I thank the higher power that I didn't end up with him and found my own fairy tale.

  The Goodbye

Letter To My Blog From Being Brokenhearted --

I think it's funny how none of this is my fault. It is all your fault. I don't ask you when you are dating anyone. I don't care. It will just piss me off, so I pretend. You really fucked yourself this time. I think it is funny how you thought that I told the world how we were together, but I didn't. Trust issues, much?

And you know what? I need to have a talk with you sometime soon. I need you to tell me, straight up, what is so great about her? I don't even know her. I don't want to know her. I don't care, but I want to know. I want you to explain to me what is so good about her. You have dumped girls for a lot less. So tell me, what is so good about her? You won't admit it but you love her. You should be in love. It kills me to say it, but you are in love, and it isn't with me.

You've KNOWN that I would never leave you, for years. That is why you kept me around. That is why you had me stored up in this little box that you could just play with whenever you want. And you know what? I'm sick of it.

Since I talked to "her" today, it all became real. My morals are setting in. Before, they didn't mean shit. Now that I know she is a real person and a real human being, my morals are going all crazy. Why does she put up with your bullshit? She loves you. That is why. Stop fucking up. Just say no. I don't want you to say no, but I want you to be happy and if she makes you happy, stop saying yes to me all the time.

You can't have both anymore. You have to pick. And I know what you'll pick. You'll pick her. And I don't know if I'm ready for that or not...but here it comes.

I love you. I miss you. I'll see you around. Goodbye my almost lover.

(the song that you will be reading is in no way my work and it is by the fine frenzy)

The Fine Frenzy -- Almost Lover

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

No

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do


  The Revenge

Letter To The Girl --

Listen, little girl. You seriously have no idea about anything and everything. The guy you are dating, the guy you love, that is a joke. Now, I'm not trying to be a woman scorned, I actually feel bad for you. I feel insanely horrible for your situation.

How much has he really told you about me? Let me guess..."She's just some girl that I know." No. "She's just some girl I hang out with sometimes." No. "She's just some girl I used to mess around with." No.

She is the girl that you have ALWAYS messed around with, through everything, through everyone. How long might you ask? Way longer than you've known him. Way longer than you've dated him. Let's add this up...I'm 19 now. I was 15 then. You do the math. I have lost count of how many times.

So, wait. You started dating him a year and a half ago? Your entire relationship, he has been cheating on you...with me. The entire thing. The entire length of being with him, he has been with me too. Would you like to know more? I'll go on.

You would text him and he would be with me, while I would be giving him a blowjob. He would ignore you. You would call him while we were having sex and he would mute his phone. You called quite a lot, my dear. I mean, what is he going to say if he answers? "I'm just having sex right now, I'll call you back later."

He claims he has never lied to you. I have tons of stuff that I can tell you one day. If you ask me, I will be completely honest. You deserve to know the truth. I have no reason to lie, I am digging my grave as we speak. I'm over it.

He would tell me about you too. I knew about all your problems. I knew what he liked about you and what he didn't. I would ask sometimes..."So, you really love her?", and he would say "I don't know, sometimes, but sometimes not." That was a fun conversation. I just loved how he would talk about you, saying you were clingy. He would say you got jealous too easily and you always wanted to know who he was with.

You reminded him of me. It is really funny. We are a lot alike. It really makes me laugh. You are like...the better girl to bring home to mommy and daddy than I was.

Anyways, I have a point. I'm trying to help you. You seem like a nice girl. If I didn't already not like you for obvious reasons, I could see us being friends. I'd probably like you if I didn't know you this much.

By the way, when he called you then did a three way with me...I lied. I lied for him. He was with me the night of your anniversary. I'm really sorry. I honestly had no idea about that one. That must have hurt.

You think he's been faithful? Not even close. You think he's been honest? Not even close. Yeah, he comes clean...but not entirely and not with as much detail as I can give to you.

I honestly wish you luck, baby.

(Written when I was nineteen years old -- thank god that I let this one go. I'm so thankful that I found my prince and not this douche bag of teenage garbage that I once loved. I found out...you can love again. I loved again and this time...he is worth it. He is worth every second of it. I'm so thankful that I found my happy ending)

  The Advice

If you went through this or something like this when you were a teenager, you were not alone. Most of us girls out there went through some type of heartbreak and the guy always seemed to win in the end. We never did win, unless we married our high school sweetheart. It really makes you look back on your first true love and see how really stupid you are. I know that when I re-read this, I was so stupid. I just let him take advantage of me, endless times. It makes me sick to my stomach that I was so much in love with him that I would put myself through this. It saddens me that I ruined a relationship for a little while, but thank heavens that they got back together and now she has to deal with his bullshit. I don't know if he ever grew up; I don't care to know. I moved out of state after this because I couldn't bear being his next door neighbor for one more second. I haven't seen him since and I don't plan to. I haven't thought about him until now when I was re-reading some of my teenage blog entries and realized...life is too short.

I know that I am thankful that he wasn't my prince because it would have been a disaster, and not the kind that makes good memories. He would have cheated on me in the end, anyways. I am thankful that I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world and one day, I hope to call him my husband. I don't know when that will be or how it will work out, but I know that I want him to be my last true love. I don't need my first one. I need him to be my last. He gives me more love and passion than I've ever had in my life and I hope that we can work out whatever we are having problems with. He is a great man when he wants to be, but he does have the guy asshole gene...unfortunately.

Advice for all the girls out there that just had a breakup, it does get better. It gets so much better. You just have to wait and be patient. You don't need to run after it, it will come and find you when you least expect it. I hope to turn my writing on SexIs into an "Ask Lulu" type of deal. I love giving advice and I hope that you take my advice and run with it. If anyone ever needs to talk, I am here to listen or to give as much wisdom or advice as you need.

Hugs & Kisses,
Lulu


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Comments

I'm 19 right now and going through a helluva teenage angst situation with my ex-boyfriend currently.
Thanks for sharing, sometimes it's easy to forget there are millions of other people who have felt pain this deeply.
And it is also easy to forget (or hard to believe) that my first love won't be my only love.

09/17/2012

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