A common misconception regarding strap ons is that they are used exclusively by lesbians. This is not true. Any couple can use a strap on, regardless of gender. I am a woman in a relationship with a man. He likes the idea of anal penetration and I like the idea of getting to penetrate him.
To me, using a strap on is quite a bit different from using a dildo on a partner. It’s a bit different since I was not born with a penis and I don’t have the motions of thrusting down pat like he does. Since you can’t feel with it, you rely heavily on what you can actually see or what your partner is telling you. While his penis may feel that it slipped out, I can’t tell one way or another on my own unless I keep an eye on it. However, that extra bit of effort gives me a much greater feeling than simply using a dildo or vibrator anally. It makes me feel both mentally and emotionally closer to him.
The next few sections will go into detail on each specific component of strap on play: the harness, O-rings, and of course, the dildo.
When shopping for a harness, you’ll want to find something that is going to fit you properly. A poorly fitting harness can cause your dildo to move around more than you want. Poorly fitting harnesses can also cause you some discomfort. Before deciding which one you want, you’ll want to measure your hips and waist. From there, you’ll want to begin your search for a harness.
Most sized harnesses are sized according to your hip or waist measurement. Some manufacturers have more confusing sizing. One in particular that seems to have a confusing size chart is RodeOH. I highly recommend checking out some of the fantastic reviews on harnesses on EdenFantasys before purchasing, just to ensure you’re going with the right size.
Adjustable harnesses will fit between x and y waist/hip measurements. If your measurement fits within the manufacturer’s suggested measurements, the harness will fit. If not, keep looking for a harness. Many adjustable harnesses feature straps and buckles to adjust size. If you happen to fall above the measurements for one of these harnesses, you are not going to fit in it at all. It would be wiser to just find a different harness.
Additionally, the material the harness is made out of should be considered. Panty style harnesses such as those by RodeOH are made of a soft cotton fabric. Others are made out of leather, faux-leather, spandex, and nylon. Out of these materials, cotton, spandex, and nylon would be the easiest to care for. A cotton harness can simply be hand washed in the sink with some detergent. However, these may not be built to last. Leather harnesses cannot be submerged in water. They require storage in dark, cool places and must be conditioned regularly to keep them in tip top shape. Improperly caring for a leather harness reduces the life of the harness significantly. If properly cared for, a leather harness can last a lifetime.
Decorations or hardware on the harness should be examined. I’ve had some leather harnesses that have tons of detailing done with studs and grommets. The downside to the visual appeal of this is the weight. Too much weight can throw you off balance during penetration or cause the harness to sag a bit, even if it fits you properly.
Once you’ve picked your harness, you’re going to need to pick some O-rings to go with it if the harness has removable O-rings. Some adjust to fit to the toy and do not require them. It’s important to have O-rings to fit your toys. These hold the toy onto the harness and provide it some stability. If the O-ring is too small, you won’t be able to fit the toy through it. If it’s too big, the toy could fall out. You’ll want to measure your toy’s diameter just before the base to find the correct size for the O-ring.
O-rings are typically available in metal or rubber form. Rubber rings are a bit more flexible. Metal ones may tarnish over time, depending on the metal. Other than that, there’s really no difference.
You can typically find O-rings by searching for multipurpose rings. They can also be used as basic cock rings if desired.
Finally, there’s the most important aspect of strap on play: the dildo. Dildos come in a variety of sizes, shapes, materials, and colors. The size you pick really depends upon what your partner is comfortable with. Beginners should never go with massive dildos with lots of curves and textures to them. A good beginner’s dildo would have minimal amounts of texture and curve to it. It would also be slimmer.
Dildos are available in a few different materials: jelly, TPR, UR3, silicone, glass, rubber, metal, and so on. Out of those, silicone, glass, and metal are the safest. Jelly and UR3 are the least safe materials. Higher quality materials cost more, however their safety makes them worth it. Cheaper materials tend to be porous and are not easy to keep clean. Some of them will have a flaky surface, too. Keep in mind that silicone toys must be stored in a bag or box if stored with other silicone toys. I do not recommend glass and metal toys for beginners as they are hard and are not easy to insert. I do recommend a good quality silicone toy.
All dildos can be cleaned with soap and warm water or a toy cleaner. All of them are also compatible for use with a water based lubricant. You cannot use a silicone based lubricant with a silicone toy. Cleaning your dildo after each use will help you to get the most use out of it.
Another important factor to consider is the base. You want something with a strap on base. Any dildo with a flared base will be compatible to use with a strap on, regardless of whether or not it is marketed as one. This can be easily spotted when looking at product photos. If the base of the toy is larger than the shaft, it’s compatible for use with a harness. If the toy ends after just a shaft, it’s not compatible.
Next, you’ll want to consider whether or not you want a realistic toy. Realistic toys look almost exactly like a real penis. Some even have testicles. Semi realistic toys will have the basic shape of a real penis such as a slightly curved shaft with a bulbous head. Non-realistic toys have extra little designs on them like nubs, tentacle suckers, or unrealistic curves. I think semi realistic dildos are a good start because you get the basic shape of a penis without the actual look of one. In my case, my partner wanted to try anal play, however felt a bit scared of realistic dildos at first. Now that we’ve tried a few with just the basic shape, he doesn’t feel scared of a realistic one at all.
A good feature to use on EdenFantasys when searching for dildos is the menu option to refine the display results. Simply click what kind of dildo you’re looking for, the material(s) you’d like, the length, the diameter or circumference, the price, and any additional features. Dildos matching your specifications will then be displayed.
When you go to use your dildo, make sure the harness has the O-ring size you need for your toy. If you can’t check the diameter of the dildo, just try different sized rings until you find one that fits snug but is easy to slip off.
Put Them All Together And You Get...
Now that you’ve got your gear, it’s time to get down to business. The positions you use depend mainly on where you are penetrating your partner, your fitness levels, and how different in size your bodies are. A good beginner’s position would be missionary or doggy style. From there, you can really experiment with any position you want. All positions vary in the depth of penetration and the amount of G-spot or P-spot stimulation your partner will experience. Switch it up a little and see what works best.
One thing I noticed the first few times we tried strap on play was the difficulty I had holding myself into the position. As a woman, I’m not used to being on my knees and depending heavily on my thighs to hold me up in place to penetrate my partner. I felt a little bit wobbly at first but then I got used to it. The first few times I penetrated him felt a little odd, since he’s the one with the penis. While, no, it never feels completely “natural,” it will begin to feel more normal.
Always remember to take it slow. If your partner remarks that something hurts, pull out at least a little bit. You may need more lubricant or your partner just may not be used to penetration. Real sex is nothing like a porno. You cannot insert the dildo and begin fucking your partner like a machine. Take it nice and slow at first and once that becomes comfortable, you can increase the speed and depth of your thrusts.
In closing, I’d like to thank you for reading my guide. I hope it was helpful to you. If you have any questions regarding the information in my guide, you can message me here on EdenFantasys for help. Along with this guide I have created a list of harnesses and dildos that would be a good choice for beginners, which can be found at the bottom of this page or here.