Why do it?
We like oral a lot, but fingering has its own advantages – like being able to talk to her, kiss her, and provide a feeling of penetration and fullness. Fingering can be a lot more than just stick it in and move it around. There is a lot more to it, and if you learn a few tips and watch what your partner likes best, she will notice the difference and appreciate it. Don’t forget, being good in the bed does not start with what you can do with you penis, but how much you can make her want it, and want to be with you again. Women like foreplay, and unless they are in a clothes-ripping mode, they need it too. So here are some tips on how to make us beg for more!
Before you start
Before you touch her, make sure your nails are nice and short with no scratchy edges. The parts you are going to stimulate are extremely sensitive. You don’t want to hurt her. You would not want scratch marks on you penis either, right?
Make sure she is properly aroused and wet before even attempting any kind of penetration. If she is properly aroused, she will most likely be wet enough to not need lube. But, there are days when we are tired, or a day during our circle when lubrication just isn’t that good, and you might need to add some lube (after all, your soldier does not stand at your command all the time either, right?). If you need additional lube, choose something that is penetration friendly, like a water based one. Never use oil based lubes in her vagina like Vaseline as it can give her a yeast infection! Also you might (or might not) decide to use toys, in which case you do not want the lube in her to set off chemical reactions! You would not want to have your penis rubbed dry, right?
Many women like to feel that they are taken care of from time to time. Sometimes it is nice to sit back, relax, and enjoy yourself. If your body language is screaming uncertainty, your girl will not be that relaxed, and it can potentially reduce the value of the experience, even if you are doing a good job. So be confident and show you know what you are doing, even if you never tried it before. If you are that nervous, you can try practicing on a Fleshlight, though be prepared that the real deal will be very different. This of course does not mean you should be dogged – if she has any suggestions, wishes or questions, do what she asks for. Accepting instruction is no shame!
All women are different
Don’t forget that all women are different. Our anatomy follows the same basic rules, but it differs from woman to woman. We like different things like speed and pressure. It means you need to learn how to please your current girlfriend, because what the previous one liked might not work for your current partner at all. Do not be disappointed if you do not get everything right at first – it takes time to learn each other's body. Even if you think things went terribly, it's no reason to give up. Then all you need to do is to ask her to show you how she likes it! If your partner is a lot more experienced, then you might want to start with this. Don’t worry, wanting to pleasure her more, you can only score good points!
Talk to her
During the whole act, you should talk to her. Tell her that her body feels great or that you find her beautiful. Not only do we love to feel desirable, but knowing that you are enjoying what you are doing is also a great turn on. If you do it right, it might encourage her to talk back and express her opinion without feeling ashamed or that she might hurt your feelings by telling you she wants it done another way. You can't feel her pleasure, so opening up communication is going to make things better! Reminding her after the act that you found it lovely and enjoyed doing it will score you extra points – especially if you do not only do it right after she came, but let's say next morning.
Now, let’s see how to do it!
Don’t ignore her body
You want to pay attention to her other body parts – stroke her leg, kiss her, stroke her sides or play with her nipples. This will prevent her from feeling she is merely an extension of her genitals to you.
1. Start slow
And I mean start slow. Forget what you saw in porn videos about jamming two or three fingers in at once. Never do that unless she specifically demands it. Women and men have different mechanics of getting aroused – while you can go from 0 to 120 if she just grabs your penis, it is not the case with girls. Make sure you pay proper attention to her body and secondary erogenous zones before zooming in on her genitals. Turn her on with whatever she likes best, playing with her tits, kissing her neck. You know what she prefers.
2. Tease her
Before you even think of entering with a finger, you want to prepare the grounds properly. Start by teasing – apply a motion between tickling and rubbing, play with her labia, stroke her outer parts. Build up tension and expectation. Make her ache for you!
4. Direction of stroking
If your girlfriend shaves or waxes, never ever stroke her mound from the vagina to belly direction. Even if her skin might seem smooth, the hairs might have started to grow out a tiny bit. Stroking these against the direction of growth is irritating at best, or can be painful too. So on those areas that are supposed to be hairy, always stroke from up to down. Of course on the inside of her lips, over her clitoris where she does not ever have hair, it is okay to stroke and tickle in any direction.
5. Pay attention to the clitoris
It is a little nub – the button to make her go wild. So use that to your advantage! It contains a multitude of nerve endings, and it is as sensitive as the head of your penis. Never ever touch it with a dry hand! Some women find it too intense to have it stimulated directly. How sensitive it is might depend on lots of things - like where she is currently in her menstruation cycle, how aroused she is, and when was the last time her clit got a workout. This means that sometimes she will ask for direct stimulation, sometimes she will ask you to just do around it. Don’t take it personally – this is not because you don’t know better, it is because her needs can change.
Whatever she wants, she will love for her clit to be played with, that is for sure. The best way to stimulate it is an up and down motion – you can change to circular or right and left for variety, but up and down will always be the most effective. Try to take her clit between your forefinger and middle finger, and move it up and down. This stimulates it from all sides and from top as well. Some women cannot achieve an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. If your partner belongs to this group, make sure she can get it. Either keep rubbing it, use a vibe on it – or ask her to do it while you stimulate her other body parts.
6. Enter her slowly, with a fingertip only
If she is properly aroused and you have made her arch her back for you, it is time to enter her vagina. You can try playing with the perineum – this is the part between her vagina and anus, and the equivalent of “that spot” under your balls. Putting gentle pressure on this area can increase the feeling of “penetrate me NOW!” Use only one finger at first, and ease it in gently. The vagina is not a straight tube. It has a curve in it, and you need to follow that with your finger or you will painfully poke the back wall of her vagina. And that’s a no no! Don’t forget that the most nerve endings are around the entrance. If she is new to sex and play, it might not feel very nice to her and you need to keep your finger still until she relaxes and can accept your finger without discomfort. If she isn’t new, this means that this is the area you need to play with the most. Leave only the fingertip in for a while. Wriggle it a bit, move it a bit, but don’t go further.
You can keep changing between the vagina and clit – or even better you can rub her clit with your thumb or other hand while you play with her entrance. Tease her, make her desperate for more of your finger, let her get accustomed to its presence. You can start to move a bit back and forth, going a bit deeper each time. You will see when she starts to gyrate her hips, tying to get more – now it's time to go deeper!
7. Enter with a finger
Your finger is in – so now what? Now you thrust. As you keep going, you might notice that she is getting more and more relaxed – you might add an extra finger or two, if she likes it. If she is still tight and unaccustomed to it, don’t do it. It might feel uncomfortable to her and leaves you little room to navigate. Here you can read some tips and techniques on how to do it, but there is one important thing to remember. You can vary it from time to time, but you want to go steady – women need a very steady type of stimulation to build up their orgasm. Never change it when she is getting close. If she tells you she wants it slower, faster, another angle – do it that way. Never just stop the stimulation if you want to build up more tension. It will ruin everything you built up, and you can go back to 0, pretty much. It will also make her very frustrated.
Imagine a load-bar of pleasure leading up to her orgasm. Let's say you penetrate her with your finger around 65% or so. You can tease, change, and slow down a bit freely if you want to keep her from getting close to the edge until that pleasure bar is 90% charged. If that’s the case, she is on the edge. If you stop, you will lose all progress and make her cranky. If you change and stimulate her nice, but not quite the right way, you cannot stop or slow down her oncoming orgasm, but you will make it weak. It will leave her with no satisfaction, a sensitive clit, and probably a foul mood. So if she reaches that point, there is no turning back - let her have a good orgasm!
That said, here are some techniques:
Penetrate her with one or as many fingers as she likes, bend the fingers, and pull out. Keep the fingers bent. It will rub and tease her inner wall. The good thing about this is that you cannot miss the g-spot as you tease the entire wall. When penetrating, keep your fingers straight or just very slightly bent! If you bend it too much (especially if you penetrate fast), it can cause your finger to “double over." You seriously don’t want that. This technique can be combined with most of the others listed bellow.
Quick quick slow, quick quick slow...
You can combine the speed of different thrusts.
Slow in, fast out.
Fast in, slow out.
Fast in, fast out, fast in, slow out.
Don’t make the pattern too difficult though, or it will feel random to your partner, and as discussed, we like steady not random!
The fast stroke:
If your partner prefers fast and furious over nice and slow, then this is a good thing to try. Generally when fingering your girl, it is a good idea to curl your finger a bit to let it scrape against her wall and massage the G-spot. Not with this technique though. If this is what she likes, keep your finger straight – going at high speed and bending it can injure her (or just cause pain) easily. You can best do this if you sit between her opened legs and penetrate her with your middle finger, palm up.
You can only use this technique if she is already relaxed and you can penetrate with two fingers at once. Penetrate her with the forefinger and middle finger tight against each other, bend your fingers a little to tease her inner wall, and open and close the fingers. You can repeat this motion keeping your fingers in, or just open, pull a bit out, close, and penetrate back. If you try this, you need to keep in mind many things. Some women do not like the area right at their uterus teased. If she does not, don’t penetrate too deep with this. Second, if she is still tight, forget it. It will put extra tension at the closing muscle ring of the vagina and can hurt her.
This technique needs two penetrating fingers. Penetrate her with your palm up all the way. Then turn your hand around until the back of your hand is up, then pull out. You can make it more exciting by rubbing her clitoris with your thumb while your palm faces up.
You can also do it the reverse way, palm up while pulling out, back of the hand up while penetrating.
The screw driver:
This is a variation of the turner. Penetrate her with your hand up, and as you go deeper, turn your wrist gradually. By the time you are ready to pull out, the back of your hand should be on top. Pull back the same way and arrive in the starting position.
This also needs two fingers: the forefingers of both your right and left. Penetrate her with the back of your hands up, the two fingers next to each other. (This might be more comfortable for her if she is on her belly.) Push one in deep, one back to the fingertip. Right in, left out, right out, left in...finger her with your hands alternating. You can combine this with the hook or the tickler (see below).
The tickler – aka find her G-spot!:
Insert one or two fingers in her vagina and make a tickling, “come here” motion. This should rub against her G-spot. It should be a spongy part of the vaginal wall, and if rubbed well, it can feel really pleasurable. Start gentle and build up pressure later if you’re sure you’re rubbing the right spot. Rhythm is important, but the pressure you apply is even more so! Try to judge from her reaction what she likes best, or ask.
Back door fun:
You can insert a finger in her anus – but before doing so ask her if she is okay with it! Even if she generally likes anal, don’t just assume she is in the mood for it. Always use a lot of lube for it – and once a finger went backdoor, never ever penetrate her vagina with it until you wash it with sanitizing soap! You could carry infections from her anus to her vagina. If you do anal play, you might want to dedicate one hand to anal and one to vaginal. Also, using a toy instead of a finger can help – but make sure that it’s only the toy that goes in.
Once she came and you finished...
Don’t just pull your hand out. You might want to keep it in a little while and ease it out gently. Let her know you had fun too: grin at her or lick your fingers if you like the taste. But most importantly, have fun!