The holidays are a dreaded time for those of us living in Singleton. Our relatives, friends, colleagues, and random acquaintances know it, and they’ve shared the secret with our books, TVs, movies, blogs, and magazines. They are all concerned that we will have no one to kiss under the mistletoe or when the ball drops at the stroke of twelve. They would like very much if we were to take it upon ourselves to be concerned too and to make at least one or two of our resolutions this year about finding someone by the next holiday season (or Valentine’s Day) so that they won’t have to be so concerned on our behalves ever again.
By now, I am the star of this holiday special and, perhaps, you are too, or maybe you’re one of the insistent ones on the other side of the tinsel and string light divide. Whoever you are, I am here to give you my resolutions, the resolutions of the chronically celibate, that I make every year in order to have a happy new year. And yes, residents of Singleton, you and I are most certainly bound for a happy one.
1) Own your sexy Singletonian bod
Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re sexless. This does not necessarily mean hookup culture. Some singles are into that. It’s one of the main reasons your married and taken friends will tell you that they’re jealous of your singlehood, and for those it works for, take a moment to remember that it’s glorious. But there are other ways to be single and be sexy, too.
Eden Fantasys exists for a reason. Some of the best sex you will have in your life is with yourself. You know what you want, and if you don’t know what you want yet, this is the time to figure it out, my friend. Your body is your own, and sometimes in a relationship you can forget that. Sure, solo sex is part of dating life, too, but when you’re going it solo, your own pleasure is 100% of what matters.
And your body also does more than sex. It does dancing, exercising, sporting, partying, and so much else. More than just “it,” you do those things, and when you’re single you have time. What do you do? What do you want to do? Whatever it is, do what you do because, again, as a Singletonian your time is yours, all yours.
2) Believe that you’re neighbor of the year
When you live in Singleton, self-esteem can sometimes feel a little hard to come by. No one is complimenting you on a regular basis or paying you the regular compliment of being with you. This is the suckiest feeling of Singleton. In times like this, it’s important to remember that you are your own best neighbor.
Find things to like about yourself. Hell, find things to love about yourself. This is what being single is for, and even if getting into a relationship is an eventual goal of yours this new year, this is something you will want to have on your side first. Feeling complete by yourself makes all the difference if you want to do well in a pair.
This is something that has to start from you, so if you’re not feeling top notch, do something about it. Prove to yourself that you’re smart, fun, kind, or talented. Your opinion is ultimately the only one that matters.
If you’re not feeling confident about your body (all too common in this part of town), you owe it to yourself to pay yourself the compliment. Run naked through your house, especially in front of all of the mirrors. And why not? Nobody is watching. Nothing will be a bad fit or make you look worse than your best, and that’s the way you come to appreciate yourself. There’s a lot to appreciate.
3) Get comfortable in Singleton!
Instead of or in addition to making a resolution to move the hell out of Singleton, get comfortable in the home that you’ve got and put up a nice Christmas tree. In other words, pick a reason to go it solo. You can’t tell what the year is going to bring, but if you’re going to start the year single, you should decide why you are single and decide why it is not necessarily a given or a bad thing.
You might have had opportunities to get involved this year and shut them down—that coworker of yours who was a little too flirty or that match on the internet dating site Facebook convinced you that you needed to join. Maybe you were even seeing someone for part of the year. You had opportunities – trust me – even if you didn’t realize they were there.
The point is you are single. So why are you single? This is not a chance for you to tear yourself down. This is a chance for you to choose, and you can choose something good. The year did not just pass you by. You did something with it. It could be something as concrete as focusing on your work or your passion or your friends and family or something as intangible as figuring out who you are and learning to be happy with yourself. It could even be that you had the crappiest year known to (wo)man; these are, after all, the years that you need off from extra work, and make no mistake, relationships are extra work.
Find out what your reason is because there are always opportunities, and there is a reason, a good reason, you chose another way. Once you have that reason, the new year is sure to treat you right.