All too often, we have an idea of what we like, but struggle with vocalizing our desires because many of our sexual curiosities still have yet to be explored! We have a tremendous amount of resources at our fingertips, but so many people still feel scared or apprehensive to explore and vocalize their sexual fantasies.
By following these five simple steps you will be able to better understand and explore your sexuality in a safe and supportive way—getting to a point where you can confidently answer your partners question and feel great about it!
When you trust your partner, things become clearer and easier to communicate. I’m not talking about “can you keep a secret?”—I’m talking about that feeling you get when you can share anything and know, in your heart, that you are not being judged, ridiculed, or abandoned. This may start with sharing your fantasies in an anonymous way, online. Or it can simply be with a close friend or in a private notebook. Getting your feelings out in the open air is the first step to exploring your sexual growth.
If you can’t trust your direct contacts, reach out to the community to find others with common interests. For example, Fetlife and Collarme are two BDSM social networking sites where you can stay anonymous and meet like-minded individuals to collaborate with. In addition, EdenFantasys has an incredible community of people openly sharing their feelings, experiences, and thoughts about sex, and just reading those forums can make you feel like a part of something. If you do not have an outlet to explore, learn, and share, you may feel your desires are unvalued or inadequate—which they are absolutely not.
Events are a great way to connect and explore different fetishes in a safe and supportive way! Most likely there will be fetish events near any major city you live in or are close to. Using search engines, such as Google, you can discover the whereabouts of these events, or even in some cases, ‘fetish event calendars’ (that will share events throughout the month). Once you make it to an event, the choice is yours on whether or not you’d like participate, but more so than not. Merely stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things can really propel your self-awareness forward. Please make sure to take someone you trust if you choose to explore an event.
What better way to explore then to play? Yes, toys are a great remedy to sexual exploration. Put a butt plug in if you’re curious about anal, or ask your partner to flog you if you’re curious about bondage. Maybe you like the menthol sensation on your cock—or hot wax. If you’re comfortable trying things out by yourself to begin with, you’ll grow to feel more comfortable vocalizing or at least showing your partner what you like.
A positive and open-minded attitude is probably the most important thing to have when discovering your ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ when it comes to sex and sexual fetishes. If you have a positive attitude people will feel more comfortable sharing their personal experiences, and experimenting with you, if that’s what you ultimately want. An open mind means you’re unbiased, comfortable if things don’t go as planned, embrace different opinions, and are excited to try new activities.
Don’t let your fear of rejection get in the way—if you’re curious about something connect with others who feel the same way you do. Go to events that will provide you with new contacts and experience, and will educate you in the areas you’d like to learn more about. Play with toys—that’s what they’re there for. You can learn so much about yourself by experimenting. And lastly, stay open and accepting to new ideas and experiences.
So now let me ask you—How far are you ready to go?