I want to start off by saying it is always important to respect your partner, and if they are really adamant about not having sex, then you should respect that. But lots of times a partner is not against sex, but they are just not horny or in the mood, and that can be a great time to light their fire and get them back into the mood.
People often complain about their sex life declining after they have dated for a while, or they have moved in together, or they have been married for a while. But there is no reason for this to happen. You fall into a routine and you stop putting in as much effort. But you can change that and really excite your partner. When we date people, we often shower, shave, put on perfume/cologne, and put on some nice clothes. These can all spur sex. So this article is going to focus on lots of things that bring back memories of dates, and sex, and things of that nature.
One of the first things is to re-evaluate how much you touch your partner. Sometimes people stop touching each other after they have dated for a long time. Sometimes you just stop kissing as much, you stop touching as much. My first tip is to bring back that touch into your relationship. One of the quickest ways to make someone feel desirable is to simply touch them. It lets them know you are thinking of them, you think they are beautiful, and you show you care.
Go for areas that can really provoke a response. There a couple of great places on the body that with just a small touch can really light some fire. A great place is to run fingers along the back of their neck and all the way down their spine. Lots of people get chills when you do this. Or use your lips to nibble on ears, brush lips, or kiss their navel. You know the sensitive spots on your partner so push them. Walk up behind your partner and hold them around their waste. Press yourself against them. Really give them a big hug. You can also grind into them after you have given them a hug.
Another great thing to do is just start innocent touching. In public touch her back when you open a door for her. Touch her knee when you sit at a table. Brush against her leg while you are walking beside her. These small touches can really change the mood too.
Making your partner feel sexy can really put them in the mood. So spend some extra time to compliment them. Comment on her breasts, her butt, her face. Compliment him on his biceps, his abs, his chiseled features. When your partner feels sexy in their skin, they are far easier to get into the mood. Send text messages, leave phone messages, leave sticky notes, or tell them in person.
Dress For Sex-ess
It can be easy once you move in together to throw off the work clothes and instantly throw on sweats and an old t-shirt. But a great way to show your partner you care about them and think about them is to put in some extra effort. It might be that cute pair of panties, some tight yoga pants, some lingerie, a sexy secretary outfit, or a nice dress. If you’re a guy, it might be having a suit, it might be some sexy boxers or briefs, or some low rise jeans. Shave your legs, shave off that stubble, trim your genitals, gel your hair, or put it in a fancy up-do. Doing whatever your partner likes and showing that you put in extra effort just for them can create intimacy. If your partner feels loved and close and connected to you, then sex comes with it.
Understand Your Goal
The goal of getting your partner in the mood is not always to have sex tonight, but it is to rebuild those feelings. You want to re-spark that intimacy and connection. You want to build that trust and sexual desire. This can take time if you have not prioritized intimacy for awhile. So if sex has stopped, but you try something and it ends with a make out session, then that is great. That is starting to build. If it ends with cuddling, that can be great. Your goal is to relight that fire, and rebuild the intimacy over time. So do not be disappointed if your first attempt doesn’t end with sex.
Build Up Excitement
Some of the most intimate sessions I have had are when I build up to it all day. We plan a date night, then that morning I tell her how excited I am. Then I tell her the things I am going to do. Then I tell her how sexy she is. The point is to get your partner thinking about sex all day, and the more they think about it the more they want it. And by the time they get home all they want is intimacy with you.
Finally, bring back date night. Set aside time specifically for intimacy. Oftentimes people say they put off intimacy, because they will have time later. That is not a valid excuse. Intimacy is important to some people and you should make time for it. So set aside a block of 4 hours one evening where all you are going to concentrate on is your partner. Sit down and watch a movie naked and stimulate your partner during certain parts. Or do whatever you want to for a date night, but make it a priority.
Re-lighting that sexual fire is highly personal, but as you can see all of them have a common idea. Concentrate on your partner and make them a priority. We sometimes forget to show them how much we care, and that can be one of the strongest aphrodisiacs.
As always if you have any questions, or any of your own personal stories about getting your partner in the mood, leave it in the comments.