Ummm, Excuse Me?
My husband has always had a few movies, at that point they were VCR tapes, that he enjoyed watching while I was at work, busy or too tired to deal with having sex. I knew about them and didn't care that he watched porn occasionally. They were just a movie and nothing to be upset about--I masturbated as well when the mood hit me. He tried to get me into watching them with him but I honestly had no interest in them and when I would make an effort, was just too uncomfortable with the whole issue to even think of enjoying them or giving them a chance. For the first 8 years we were together, we had a basic "normal," satisfying, and what I thought of as adventurous, sex life.
We would decide to get naked and have fun in the car on road trips, impulsive blow jobs while traveling and all the varied positions and places that would come to mind were definitely covered! So, come on!! What else is there? How could you possibly get much better than what we already had?
The same day we bought our first DVD player, my husband decided he needed a couple of movies to go with it, since the VCR would be in the family room for the kids. With serious embarrassment, my guts quaking, I followed him into the *gasp* Adult Novelty Store. The carpet was indoor/outdoor, grey with.....oh, you have been there too? My eyes were seriously glued to the carpet and I was not looking up or at anything and just wanted to leave! As my husband completed his purchase and guided my butt to the door, he asked what I thought of -something, I am not sure what it was exactly. I just shrugged and kept right on going out the door to the safety of our truck. A couple minutes later, he followed right behind me.
Once we got away from the building and started on our way home again, the fake bravado hit me--I went into an Adult Store and lived to tell about it!! Oh, my!! What a brave girl I was. (And incredibly naive, as well!) Did I tell him it was the first time in an adult store, no...not exactly. Not yet, anyways. Just wait 'til you hear when I dropped that bomb!!
We stopped for a bottle of champagne on the way home. My husband was feeling wonderfully festive and I put it down to his new toy--get that, HIS new toy! Silly me, I had no idea what his festive and fun mood was really all about!! Once we got home, unloaded our purchases and made sure our kids were gone for the night--the real reasons for the festivities came out! We were home alone!!
Well, almost alone, there was the new DVD player and movies, but I had a system down for that, and I laughingly put on my lingerie while my hubby popped the cork. It was time to celebrate being home alone while our teenagers were gone for the night! Time for us to get naughty and have oh, so much fun with no noise restrictions.
Snuggled up, drinking our champagne and feeling more turned on as each giggle, kiss and touch happened, we finally made it to the bedroom. There was a present on my pillow, something my sneaky husband placed there when I was changing. Laughing, I picked it up, unwrapped it and...what!!?? So, the meaning of this was...*Gulp* What does he expect me to do with this...vibrator. This smelly, red, jelly ladybug vibrator that is HUGE! I looked at him, laughed a bit and told him it was funny, but next time not to spend so much on a joke.
A Shot In The Ass...
The vibrator went in a drawer to be forgotten about for quite some time. We half joked around about it but that is where we stopped. At least, that is what my hubby thought. I would occasionally try it and have some fun with it when he was not at home and then clean it up and replace it perfectly in its package. No one would ever know it was touched or used. I always remembered to remove the batteries and stash them as well.
I had been having some health issues for a couple weeks, lots of fatigue and just a bit dizzy, nothing out of the ordinary but still frustrating. Then came the morning my husband could barely wake me up. I was disoriented, passing out and extremely pale. He decided it was time to go to the hospital. Expecting to hear something drastic and life threatening, we were both really relieved to hear it was just a more severe case of low blood pressure than I normally dealt with, and I got a shot in the butt and a four day prescription. (There were many lectures, a do and do not list and more but that is the boring stuff, we will let that go.)
It was our week with no children, so my husband and I figured we would kick back, relax and take it easy when he brought me home. Yeah, right!! Are you aware of the fact that they give you a prescription form of speed to bring your blood pressure up in a hurry? Well, we weren't then but we are now! (And I have not had to take any of those funky little pills since I started following the doctor's orders!)
Once we got home, I got busy! And I do not mean cleaning the house busy either. My husband had no idea what hit him. He just knew to kick back and enjoy. Oh, did I mention I got a bit chatty as well? Yep, when I told him I had never been in an adult store before-during the middle of, well, you get the picture-he laughed and asked me what had ever become of the vibrator he bought for me. Ever so talkative, I just had to share the fact that when he was gone, I would take it out to play. And I liked it! Well, let's just say one thing led to another which led to...going back to the adult store? Yep!
Good old "experienced at going in adult stores" me was ready and willing to see what other delights they had in store for me and movies, lube and lingerie. My poor husband happily went along with it, wondering if I was going to clam up and go back to being a bit shy once the pills were gone. I have to give him credit. He did not blink once at the total of my drug-induced shopping spree, even thinking it may be a one shot weekend ordeal.
The Real Story Behind the Drugs...
Once I was done with the prescription, my husband and I both expected me to go back to being pretty shy about the movies and toys we now owned. I figured they added a false bravado and he figured they were just a fluke. For a couple days, we just ignored the subject and acted like the weekend never happened. The whole time, though, I was thinking about how much fun we had when I had lost my inhibitions...
And I wanted more! I decided to take a bubble bath and really think about the situation. As I was enjoying the warm water and luxurious bubbles, I came to the conclusion that I was missing out on a lot of fun and special times that we could have shared along the way. Why was I so inhibited that I could never enjoy the movies or thought of playing with toys as a couple? And what else was there I was missing out on and depriving us from sharing? And what would happen...
I hopped out of the tub, quickly dried off and grabbed my sexiest chemise, no--teddy--no, corset!! Yes, the corset, and the jelly vibe and the lube and the Pocket Rocket and the movies---and my husband was standing at he door looking at me like I had gone bonkers. Which I had, but in a good way. He started laughing at me when he realized I had really hurried to get this all together before he came in so I would not chicken out. I wanted to experiment, have fun and see what was out there-and do it together as a couple.
The courage to lay it all out there and face his laughter, rejection or ridicule was tremendous! The joy and fun we have shared in the meantime, priceless! You see, it was not the drugs I used as an excuse to experiment the first time that opened my eyes. It was my natural curiosity, the curiosity that was normally overridden by inhibitions that kept me from trying new things in the bedroom. The drugs acted as an excuse to let that curiosity out and to explore. Once I had explored, I did not want to go back to being inhibited and lose out on the new closeness and sense of discovery I had found with my husband.
His patience, and that he never pushed, really made me feel that it was okay to explore. If he would have pushed in any way, I would have felt inadequate and would never have been able to open up and talk to him about keeping the explorations going. He figured I would stick my toe in the water at some point, and maybe it was in a very unorthodox manner, but at least I got there. After experiencing these last six or seven years of openness and exploration--I am glad we did!! There are a few pangs for the years we missed out on, but his patience and understanding made sure we did not miss out on a lifetime!