The Vagina Tree no longer grows in Brooklyn.
You’d think a tree that had acquired such a monicker would be a pussy willow, but it was actual a labial London Plane that graced Brooklyn’s McCarren Park with such convincing coochie contours that it was once pierced with a five-inch ring (probably on spring break).
Sadly, Aaron Short of The Brooklyn Paper reports that the decades-old lascivious landmark was licked by Hurricane Irene’s strong winds last weekend, taking a tumble in the storm and leaving the Vagina totally stumped (been there). She was broken in half “just above the waist,” damaging a lamp post and an iron fence as she went down.
Not to get sappy—one imagines any vagina in constant possession of wood lived a pretty full life. But it’s still a sad loss that we won’t be taking any more lip from her. Park officials say the tree won’t be replaced and really, how could it be? Surgeons who practice vaginoplasty probably almost never team up with professional whittlers ... at least we hope not.
Anyway, it’s always a sorry day when a vagina tree leaves but for now we’ll just say farewell and wonder … if people can see Jesus in a frying pan, could we not have seen Aphrodite in a park in Brooklyn?