April 18, 2011

Vaginal Fisting Is Good For You.

by Kal Cobalt

Plenty of folks are eager to warn you of the dangers of vaginal fisting: you'll either tear something, be loose forever, or end up desperate to find bigger and stranger insertables until the point of absurdity, right? Wrong! In fact, you might actually find some health benefits to the gentle act of handballing. Let’s check it out.

Muscle Control

I’ve been a yoga practitioner for years and a kegel-exercise fan for almost as long, but when I was confronted with my first fist, I found that I really had no idea how to control my pelvic floor muscles. Learning the crucial “open up” muscle movement was completely different from anything I’d tried before. Newbies are often advised to “bear down,” which seems to cause the “open up” movement to happen almost as a side effect. Further practice taught me how to isolate the process, with no small sense of achievement.

I can hear the peanut gallery wondering what actual benefit this might have (outside of better future fisting adventures, of course). Learning better control over any pelvic musculature definitely improves things in the sack, no matter what you’re up to. I don’t know whether this works for everybody, but my experience has certainly been that the intensity of orgasm ratcheted up exponentially once I gained some muscle control. Besides, muscle tone is muscle tone, and the benefits are the same no matter where those muscles are in the body.

Although I can’t speak to this personally at all, I would love to one day see a study on whether previous fisting experience improved the process of labor and delivery for first-time mothers. It seems like it must!

Mental “Stretching”

It takes a certain confidence to decide that you can take a fist, especially if you haven’t had the experience of a kid’s head squeezing through the same orifice. Sure, there’s the sense of accomplishment and adventurousness when you succeed, but the act of working up to a fist can sometimes be just as educational and informative. I was lucky enough to be built with reasonably wide hips and hook up with a partner who has “beginner's hands,” so it only took one date for me to get there. Even with such a quick learning curve, I still learned a lot more than I expected to about getting my head out of the way; my partner later confided in me that I had been physically ready even while I pleaded for him to go slow because I “wasn't ready.” Discovering that discrepancy between what I thought I was ready for and what my body was prepared to do was surprising — it wasn’t an issue of mind over matter, but of my mind getting out of my body’s way. That’s come in handy more than once since then (think BDSM, tough workouts, or even beating insomnia).

Those who go through a tougher process to accept their first fist learn these lessons tenfold. Discovering where your physical limitations are and articulating them is something we don’t get taught in too many areas; learning how to gently push them further is something completely foreign to the majority of us.

Tighten Or Loosen?

The story goes that fisting will loosen you up and leave you dissatisfied with ordinary cocks or dildos. While your mileage may vary, my experience has been that better muscle control means better sex, no matter what type of sex you’re talking about. It’s become easier to open up to a fist over the years, but that doesn’t seem to have had any negative effect on opening up to other things. The occasional (or even regular) fisting session seems unlikely to cause permanent “loosening” in any case; it’s a muscle, after all, and it’s made to snap back unless it’s undergone some pretty drastic experiences. The glove size of your partner may have a lot to do with this.

Communication

If there’s one thing you can’t skimp on with fisting, it’s communication with your partner. It's no secret that I believe communication is the primary bedrock of a good time in bed (or, indeed, any relationship aspect), and fisting is one of those things that’s almost impossible to do without open discussion. Whether you make it in a night like I did or work for it for months before finally getting past that tricky base-of-thumb area, you will gain valuable practice in speaking up about what hurts and what feels good, in very specific and immediate ways. If you gain nothing else from the experience of fisting (or attempting fisting), the communication experience can do nothing but improve your sex life, as long as you let yourself learn from it.

This doesn’t mean that you have to speak explicitly, if that’s not your thing. Communication is best when it’s easy to do and completely understood by both parties; one person’s “ouch, too fast” is another person’s “yikes, you’re pinching my labia,” and as long as your partner gets it, both are perfect.

In the end (or in this case, ahem, the vagina), it’s all about exploration — a journey, not a means to an end. Go into fisting with some knowledge (both for you and your partner) and an open mind, and you may find a lot more benefit than a happy ending!