How to Make Love to a Black WomanDecember 23, 2010
“Cocks, you say?” Yes, the good ol’ twig and two berries.
When I tell men what I write about for a living, they usually assume I possess a certain prowess. If you write about sex, you must be an expert at doing sex. That's the assumption. However, if you read SexIs columns like Em & Lo’s “Sex Ed for Grown Ups,” Rachel Kramer Bussel’s “Secrets of a Sex Writer,” The Beautiful Kind’s “The Whore Journals” among others, you already know sex writers are as diverse as the number of sex acts in The Kama Sutra.
There’s no right way to have sex, and no best way how to do it. For the scribes among us, it’s not about perfecting a particular technique or getting as many notches on your belt as possible. It’s about engaging readers, and sharing a vantage point.
By way of introduction, this is my first SexIs column, though I’m no stranger to the written word. As a Manhattan-based writer with a B.S. and M.A. in sociology, my work has appeared in publications such as New York Press, Fast Company, Lifetime and I have a blog on the Huffington Post. Although I’ve lived in across the globe and adjusted to upheavals in my personal and professional life, three things always remain the same: I’m funky. I’m brown skinned. And, I’m a chick. Whether slipping inside via my body or via words, here are a few guidelines regarding what to expect as we get to know each other.
I met Epstein and Hassan in The Village during their variety show, The Black and The Jew Comedy Hour. Happily married for nearly a quarter century, their sketches remind the audience that—when you put all the other bullshit aside—everyone seeks to be loved, understood and fucked for who they are at their core. Don't assume your lover is a one-dimensional caricature of a sexual stereotype.
|Leave comments. One of the beautiful things about the internet as opposed to, say, a printed article is that the audience can interact. If something I've written about my sex life strikes a chord, leave a comment. You don't have to agree with everything I write. In fact, generally speaking, I believe the world is most interesting when adults respectfully disagree.|
It’s bad form to make silly remarks like, “You’re probably used to guys with really big cocks. I apologize if I’m small.” With steady increased in inter ethnic dating/marriage, we can no longer assume—if we ever could—all black women only have experienced sex with black men. Furthermore, penis size is not correlated to ethnicity any more than it is correlated to city of residence or whether or not someone is left handed.
|Anonymity, much like alcohol, reduces inhibitions and amplifies dormant views. However, it doesn’t change our character. Generally speaking, people who don’t spout xenophobic remarks in person also don’t spout them online. In the end, key stroking hateful comments wastes no one’s effort but your own. Don’t bother. Surely you have better ways to spend your time.|
DO have a good time.
Whether in bed, written as words on a screen, “sex is whatever you want it to be.” I’m happy to join the SexIs community. Let’s keep an open mind, have fun and enjoy our delicious ride.