I was in a sexual relationship in the past, and most of that relationship was sexless. We were together for six years, and although our relationship was sexless, that is not why I ended the relationship. When you only have sex with your partner once or twice a year, I consider that to be a sexless relationship. I think it is very important for a couple to be not only emotionally connected, but also to be physically connected, as well.
Sure, it is nice to show your partner that you love them by doing unexpected and nice things for them, such as buying him or her a box of candy, or simply saying I love you. For me, though, it makes me feel loved even more when my partner wants to have sex. So, having a sexless relationship just made me feel unattractive. I felt like there was something wrong with me.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying that you and your partner should have sex multiple times daily, and that it is a sexless relationship if you don't. Personally, I would love to have sex more than once a day, but I think that the average couple has sex once or twice a week.
To me, sex is not just about my own personal enjoyment, but it's also about my partner’s enjoyment. I do admit that I am a "people pleaser." When I have sex, I want to make sure that I please my partner. After all, sex isn't just about one person; it’s about both people. I would feel bad and like a failure if I didn’t sexually please my partner.
I also consider a relationship sexless when one partner is withholding sex as a "punishment." While I have never personally withheld sex as a "punishment" or out of spite, I have heard of people who have. I think it is also just as wrong to pretend that you're not feeling well to get out of sex. I feel like withholding sex as a punishment, or pretending not to feel well to get out of sex, is like saying that you don't care about sexually pleasing your partner.
Most of the time when sex is being withheld, it is the woman who is withholding ti. I mean, how hard and how much energy is it to just lay there on your back? During the majority of the time, the man will do most of the moving during sex, after all. The only time women have to do any of the moving is when she is on top. I really don't get why a woman who doesn't really want sex wouldn't strike a deal with their partners, telling him that she will have sex with him, but that she prefers for him to be on top. If this deal is made, it is a win-win situation for both people involved.
I am hoping that those of you that withhold sex from your partner will think more about his or her feelings after reading my article. I know from experience that being with a partner who doesn't want sex from you can make you feel unattractive, even though that might not be your partner’s intention.
Sure, it is nice to show your partner that you love them by doing unexpected and nice things for them, such as buying him or her a box of candy, or simply saying I love you. For me, though, it makes me feel loved even more when my partner wants to have sex. So, having a sexless relationship just made me feel unattractive. I felt like there was something wrong with me.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying that you and your partner should have sex multiple times daily, and that it is a sexless relationship if you don't. Personally, I would love to have sex more than once a day, but I think that the average couple has sex once or twice a week.
To me, sex is not just about my own personal enjoyment, but it's also about my partner’s enjoyment. I do admit that I am a "people pleaser." When I have sex, I want to make sure that I please my partner. After all, sex isn't just about one person; it’s about both people. I would feel bad and like a failure if I didn’t sexually please my partner.
I also consider a relationship sexless when one partner is withholding sex as a "punishment." While I have never personally withheld sex as a "punishment" or out of spite, I have heard of people who have. I think it is also just as wrong to pretend that you're not feeling well to get out of sex. I feel like withholding sex as a punishment, or pretending not to feel well to get out of sex, is like saying that you don't care about sexually pleasing your partner.
Most of the time when sex is being withheld, it is the woman who is withholding ti. I mean, how hard and how much energy is it to just lay there on your back? During the majority of the time, the man will do most of the moving during sex, after all. The only time women have to do any of the moving is when she is on top. I really don't get why a woman who doesn't really want sex wouldn't strike a deal with their partners, telling him that she will have sex with him, but that she prefers for him to be on top. If this deal is made, it is a win-win situation for both people involved.
I am hoping that those of you that withhold sex from your partner will think more about his or her feelings after reading my article. I know from experience that being with a partner who doesn't want sex from you can make you feel unattractive, even though that might not be your partner’s intention.
I am not sure how much I agree with you that all a woman does is lay on her back half of the time. When I am engaging in the act, I do far more than just lay on my back, even if I am not the one on top.
Also, I am not sure if simply agreeing to have sex with the man on top is the best solution to this problem. Rather, I think it would be a good idea to get to the bottom of the problem; why doesn't she want to? Does it hurt her, for instance? Is she stressed? Does she feel unattractive during sex? There are a number of reasons that some women wouldn't want to have sex.
Yeah, i was with you till that bit about women being passive partners. Even if she is just 'laying there' there's tons of reasons she may not want to have sex, and a good partner respects these reasons.
I don't agree with women just laying on their backs, and even so a relationship is about way more than just sex
Unless there is a medical problem, not having/wanting sex more than s few times a year is not good for a relationship and there is a BIG problem. Life is too short to deny a major part of why you are in a committed relationship. Sex is not the only thing but it is a very important thing. Having sex has many health benefits as well as psychological benefits.
In my past relationship I did not want to have sex because I felt unloved and unwanted. This was not an issue for my spouse because he rarely wanted sex and would rather watch porn. You cannot be emotionally abused and manipulated and be in the mood.
The writer is quite unaware that the main reason anyone (man or woman) does not want to have sex is because it is too much physical work. Come on, can you be that clueless?
Yes, women can be passive partners, but this is not the most likely place you are going to find those type of women. My interactions on EF have shown that the women here are willing and active participants in their sexual experiences. The writer may want to tailor his writing to his audience in the future. Women on a site geared toward sex are not the repressed wallflowers that women are stereotyped as.
I have to agree with some of the other comments - I was enjoying this article until I reached the part about "how hard and how much energy is it to just lay there on your back?" Sex is so much more than a matter of physical positioning, and if you truly believe otherwise, that might explain why you weren't getting any. Whatever the reasons may be for a woman not wanting sex,the option of lying passively flat while he gets his rocks off is not going to be any more appealing than any other "solution" - a lot less, in fact. Basically, you're asking her to let you use her pussy as a hole for you to jerk off into. And if that's all you want, buy a Fleshlight!
Being in a sexless relationship is no fun. Even knowing the reason hurts. Makes me feel unattractive and unloved. I don't understand why a woman would just want to lay there and not do anything but let him do all the work.
I don't know if a sexless relationship is suppose to last1 The reason being I've been in one for 46 years and I still live in the same house. He lives his life in the basement and I upstairs. We never interact at all he goes his way and I go mine.
He has always hated sex and intimacy and that began the day after we were married. Before we were married we just made out and that's it and back in the 60's we were taught to wait till married to have sex. I really thought I could fix our marriage and needless to say it never happened. So we were young and I was stupid and stayed with him and here I'am 46 years later no kids, family, sex no nothing except that now I hate all men, and could care less about sex. It's not worth the effort any more.