I was in a sexual relationship in the past, and most of that relationship was sexless. We were together for six years, and although our relationship was sexless, that is not why I ended the relationship. When you only have sex with your partner once or twice a year, I consider that to be a sexless relationship. I think it is very important for a couple to be not only emotionally connected, but also to be physically connected, as well.
Sure, it is nice to show your partner that you love them by doing unexpected and nice things for them, such as buying him or her a box of candy, or simply saying I love you. For me, though, it makes me feel loved even more when my partner wants to have sex. So, having a sexless relationship just made me feel unattractive. I felt like there was something wrong with me.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not saying that you and your partner should have sex multiple times daily, and that it is a sexless relationship if you don't. Personally, I would love to have sex more than once a day, but I think that the average couple has sex once or twice a week.
To me, sex is not just about my own personal enjoyment, but it's also about my partner’s enjoyment. I do admit that I am a "people pleaser." When I have sex, I want to make sure that I please my partner. After all, sex isn't just about one person; it’s about both people. I would feel bad and like a failure if I didn’t sexually please my partner.
I also consider a relationship sexless when one partner is withholding sex as a "punishment." While I have never personally withheld sex as a "punishment" or out of spite, I have heard of people who have. I think it is also just as wrong to pretend that you're not feeling well to get out of sex. I feel like withholding sex as a punishment, or pretending not to feel well to get out of sex, is like saying that you don't care about sexually pleasing your partner.
Most of the time when sex is being withheld, it is the woman who is withholding ti. I mean, how hard and how much energy is it to just lay there on your back? During the majority of the time, the man will do most of the moving during sex, after all. The only time women have to do any of the moving is when she is on top. I really don't get why a woman who doesn't really want sex wouldn't strike a deal with their partners, telling him that she will have sex with him, but that she prefers for him to be on top. If this deal is made, it is a win-win situation for both people involved.
I am hoping that those of you that withhold sex from your partner will think more about his or her feelings after reading my article. I know from experience that being with a partner who doesn't want sex from you can make you feel unattractive, even though that might not be your partner’s intention.