Don't listen to the advocates out there. Well, listen to them if what they're saying is appealing, but if you're considering rope bondage and what you're seeing out there feels cultish, crazy, and overwrought, then listen up.

You don't need to buy $200 of organic handmade hemp rope. Is that stuff awesome? Yes. It holds knots really well and feels nice, like your favorite pair of jeans. But man, is it pricey.

Go down to your local big box store and get yourself 100' of twisted nylon 3/8" rope. It'll be under $20. It feels silky smooth, holds knots well enough, and looks silky and pure white. Wonderful. I've been using it for over a year. One hundred feet is enough for all but my most rope intensive bondage tasks and it feels great in my hand, feels comfortable on her skin, and is the right diameter for all sorts of fun tasks.

There is a little bit of prep. Measure out two 30' sections, put some masking or electrical tap on the ends (or heat fuse them, but that can get scratchy if you're not careful), then take the last section and divide it into two 15' and one 10'. That's just about all the rope you'll ever need, even for fairly involved scenarios. Your 10' hunk is great for tying wrists, the 15' will tie to an ankle and then to a wall or it'll do one heck of a simple crotch rope, the 30' will make a chest harness, immobilize a leg or make a full body tie (called a Karada in the Shibari cult, but don't let that stop you, it's fun to do and kind of useful).

I mention this because there are countless resources out on the web about choosing ropes. You'll spend FOREVER looking through them, and STILL not be sure if the cheap hardware store nylon ropes are okay. Let me tell you, they are. There are a couple famous rope guys that like the solid braid ropes rather then the twisted varieties. There are two reasons that I'm not in that camp. First, if you look for solid braid, you might get braid over a core (feel free to glass over for a second, this is fairly high level rope geekery) and that sucks unless you pull the core out which is work. And maybe you don't realize what you have and so you struggle through with this stiff, hard to knot rope that just doesn't feel right (I did, for MONTHS), and maybe you're not as dedicated as I am so you just give up on the whole thing. That's a shame. So get the twisted. It looks like what a pirate would think rope is. Unmistakable, and no chance of getting something subpar that looks similar. The other reason is rope marks. Don't get me started (Expect a future post getting into this in detail, hopefully with pictures). The marks left by twisted rope are just beautiful. You may disagree, but I'd hate for someone to try rope bondage and stop without ever seeing the gorgeous spiral marks of twisted rope on their partner's skin. Call me old fashioned.

Now, knots. Seriously, don't get intimidated. There are millions (not really, but definitely a lot) of sites out there with a bunch of tutorials on a thousand different ties. It can be seriously overwhelming. I maintain that you can get a very good intro to tying up your partner with just one tie that you can use multiple different places. If that one appeals to you, then the world is your oyster. Do the research and learn the other ties, but for that first night, you only need one. It's called the Shibari two column tie. I know, Japanese words, craziness, but stay with me. This one is simple, versatile, and really effective. It's for tying two things together: wrists, ankles, an ankle to a stick, a wrist to a waist, a wrist to an ankle, an ankle to a thigh, you get the idea.

The basic technique is as follows: Fold your rope in half (to make a larger number of strands which equals more comfort for the person being tied without spending a lot of time wrapping), find the middle of the doubled rope, place that against the two things that you're trying to tie (they should be parallel), then wrap each end in the opposite direction, being careful to keep all the strands flat and parallel. When you run out of rope, cross the ends 90 degrees and wrap around all the wraps that you made. Then tie a square knot. Done. It's secure, comfortable, and safe.

With just that technique you can tie her wrists together, tie her ankle to her thigh to keep her from straightening her leg, tie her wrist to her upper arm to stop her from extending her arm, etc. This one tie has the flexibility you need to try this whole bondage thing out, do a few ties, know whether or not this is for you and you've only spent 20 bucks, an hour of rope prep and maybe 20 minutes practicing that one tie (hint: your own ankles are probably your best practice bet). If it isn't for you, cut your losses. If it is, well, start reading. The internet is full of guides for moving from neophyte to skilled rigger. I welcome you to the wonderful world of power exchange. It can bring you closer to your partner than you ever thought possible. There's no intimacy like the intimacy generated when one member of the dyad is completely responsible for not just the pleasure, but the well being of the other. I guarantee that when your partner is helpless on the bed, you'll be listening to her breathing, monitoring her movements and paying better attention to her state than you ever have before. That kind of attention, in my experience, is one of the necessary ingredients for truly great sex. It's revelatory and well worth the $20 and a couple hours.