I've got friends that have been in my life for a while. Most of them know that I’m kinky, but we don’t bring it up. They don’t understand BDSM. If they ever asked, I’d gladly answer, but that’s only been the case once. Stephanie, a friend of mine since we were five, asked what it all meant. I really didn't know where to start. She’s known me for twenty plus years. She’s known the spoiled, bossy, bitchy me. She’s known the funny, mean, fighting, drinking me. What she’s never seen is the submissive, spanko, rope-loving, bondage baby, pull my hair and slap me, Sir – kinda girl. Either I've been in total control or begging not to be. Throughout my life, my submission has been complicated for me to understand myself, let alone explain to someone else.

Once, I skimmed over the basics of what I felt and what I participated in physically. She asked questions and she was probably more confused than before she asked. Every answer that I gave her seemed to bring about even more questions and not because she began understanding what I was explaining, but because she couldn't wrap her head around it. At some point I think we just silently decided to agree to not talk about it anymore. She knew that I was kinky, but she didn't technically know what I did. She knew that I took trips and went to conventions, but had no clue what happened there. She always told me to be careful and has even been my safe call. She just stopped asking questions.

I’m very much involved in my local kink group. I've met a lot of people that I consider friends. When you play with people - you develop trust. When you play with a group of people continuously, that trust can grow and has the ability to form a bond, possibly a friendship. A friendship with a person who is kinky has always been different than my vanilla friendships, even than my kink-friendly friendships. Kinky friendships seem more open and honest. There’s nothing that we can’t say to each other. Seriously? After the stuff we talk about? There’s no secrets. We’re the secret keepers. We’re the ones that you’re able to spill your guts to and get some advice from. People have been there. Hell, some of us want to be there. We want to help.

I wouldn't trade my non-kinky friends for anything in the world. I've been through more with them than I can remember – literally. There is something different though, between them and my friends who are kinky. It’s just how I relate to them, how comfortable I feel sharing the inner most part of myself, even if I don’t understand it. I guess I need others who relate to my situation too. I want to be educated by someone who has experience in situations like mine. I also want to be able to pass that education along when the next person needs it. I guess it’s less about how you pick your friends and more about where you get your life experience.