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Confessions of a Friend-Zoner

Confessions of a Friend-Zoner http://www.flickr.com/photos/cali4beach/
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You know how it goes. Man meets woman, man befriends woman, man expects that friendship to blossom into something sexual, and when it doesn't, man complains that he's been friend-zoned. This scenario can play out between any two people, regardless of gender...but it seems that man versus woman is most common, and in each situation, it seems to be the same complaint: "I was so nice to her. She led me on." But how often do we really hear her side of the story?

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Comments

eri86  

Then there is me, a female, who is nervous about approaching guys for any reason because they might think I'm approaching them because I want to be something more than friends.

06/18/2013
RR64  

What about when the male is fine with just a friendship and then the female just stops contact. No returning phone calls, no texts. Then months later after you give up she texts wanting to know what happened to you. So you start your friendship again. Then after a few months she does the same thing. No contact.

06/30/2013

^^ That is completely different than this situation.

In the situation you are describing, no sexual propositions were made on either side. No assumptions of potential relationships were made. No one entered into the friendship with ulterior motive.

In the situation the author was describing, feelings were completely misrepresented. The friendship was built around one person's assumption that the other would put out. In her personal story, she thought she had a best friend, he thought he had a sex-buddy. He never outright asked her out. He never specifically stated that he wanted to be with her. And then he got angry when she didn't have sex with him when he hadn't even asked.

How are those two situations even remotely similar?

The point of this blog was not to have someone say "Well, what about when...." The point was that "friend-zone" is a misnomer. It demonizes women who often didn't even know what was actually going on. It minimizes their feelings to the point where her point of view isn't even being considered because some guy, who couldn't be bothered to actually be honest about his intentions, didn't get laid. These guys claiming to be so "nice" expect the women they befriend to be psychic and not only automatically know what they want, but to acquiesce with no real consideration for what that woman may actually feel. They don't care about anyone's feelings or desires but their own and they don't honestly value a woman beyond whether or not she opens her legs to him. That is abundantly clear when he unceremoniously ditches the friendship and quickly begins the shit-talk. And they don't want a specific woman, no one woman is particularly special to him. He will look for any woman and take the first one that actually gives him sex.

That's what this is about. These self-proclaimed "nice" guys are actually particularly insidious. But it's always the women they have preyed upon who get blamed.

08/19/2013

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