Cum, Jizz, Semen, Whatever

Most of my sexual partners, all of whom have been female, have basically been squeamish about cum. They just haven't cared for the stuff. I don't mean they didn't like to swallow, that's rarely even been a conversation worth having. Few of my sexual partners have wanted the stuff in their mouths period. In fact, they didn't really want it anywhere. They didn't want to touch it, and if it ended up inside them, then I guess that was just something they felt they had to deal with. It would get wiped up, or deposited in the toilet, or whatever.

A lot of men, at least of my generation, seem to have had similar experiences with their female partners. Now, I'm certainly not one to tell people what to do, and I have something of an ambivalent relationship with my own cum. When I'm aroused, I really enjoy its flavor and smell and texture, and when I'm not, I don't care for it much at all. So I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad about what they do and don't like. But I wonder how many women appreciate how men feel about cum. I'll speak for myself here, but I've talked to enough other men, and read enough online, to think that my feelings about my cum are pretty typical.

Note: When I talk about "men" and "women" here, I mean people who have certain sorts of bodies. I mean no offense to women who have penises or men who don't. For what it's worth, I'm gendered confused myself, and a lot of time I feel like a woman with a penis. But we need some language to talk about people who ejaculate semen and people who don't, and "man" and "woman" seem like they can mean that, among many other things. In any event, I don't know of any other language to use here.

I found out early in my life, as soon as I stopped having "dry" orgasms and started ejaculating, that cum is messy. It makes hard spots if it dries on your sheets, and it can stain your socks if you use them to clean it up. So masturbation back then very often also involved figuring out a way to dispose of the product of that activity, and I had to do so discreetly, lest someone (namely, my mother) know what I'd been doing. (My parents weren't exactly open and honest about sexuality.) For a long time, I would use a piece of scrap paper that I'd put on my stomach when I got close to ejaculating. The cum would go onto that, and I'd fold the paper and throw it away. This had the advantage that no sticky residue would be left on me, either.

When I started having sex with women, cum became not just messy but dangerous, since it had the potential to get my partner pregnant. And that was before AIDS and safe sex. Now, cum is even more dangerous and has, much of the time, to be carefully quarantined in a condom. If you get to the point you're not using a condom, then you have the problem what to do with the cum again.

It's almost as if cum detracts from the overall experience of sex. Wouldn't it just be a whole lot easier if we guys could have our orgasms without ejaculating, the way most women do? I've always envied women's ability to masturbate just about anywhere, without having to worry about making that kind of mess. Of course, guys can have orgasms without ejaculating. I have a lot of non-ejaculatory orgasms when engaging in prostate play. But even then, I almost always end with an ejaculatory orgasm, and that's what we're talking about here. The big finish. Which makes a mess. And is dangerous.

All of which sucks. A lot of men seem almost to identify orgasm and ejaculation. But even if you don't go that far, if you're a person who ejaculates semen, then you can't help but associate cum very strongly with orgasm and sexuality. So it's hard not to feel as if the very act of an orgasm always has this big downside. You have to be careful where the cum goes, and so on and so forth. And as I said, my female partners generally seem to have had the same sort of opinion. They'd just as soon not have anything to do with it. I'm sure they'd have preferred if I didn't ejaculate when I came.

I think that's why such a big deal is made of cumshots in a lot of straight porn, even in porn that's shot from a more female-friendly angle. At least in fantasy, it doesn't matter where the cum goes. At least in fantasy, your partner might even like the fact that you ejaculate when you have an orgasm, rather than regarding it as some kind of horrible inconvenience in the best case, and downright gross in the worst.

So, if someone doesn't want to swallow or doesn't want cum in their mouth because they don't like the taste or the texture or whatever, that's fine. To each their own. But, on behalf of all of those of us who ejaculate semen, I say to those who don't: Please don't be squeamish about cum. It makes us feel like there's something wrong with the way our bodies orgasm.