"It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure"
I like to tell my partners there is no harm in a little pain to round out the pleasure, but I also don't get a lot of them to agree to any pain either. Adding pain to your sex regimen sounds terrifying to most. Needles, pressure, pinching, squeezing; they can't find the pleasure in the thought. These are the same people who have never tried either. They think back to their days in little league or gym class and some jock knocking them in the junk and the mood is killed instantly.
This, this is a whole new animal: the pleasure animal. It's not about the act it's about the trust and bond you form with the person performing the act. Like all things, even this has a range or scale or severity. Take your first time for instance; just like anal sex it takes time and practice to get better for both parties.
The name of the game is trust. You have to have extreme trust in the person tasked with being your pressure captain. If you and your partner are brand new then this is not for you unless you are both well versed. If you are both seasoned vets and you know your partner sexually inside and out, game on.
Anything from needles to high heels to hot coffee can be used for CBT. The boundaries are up to you; almost anything can be used. Pencils? Sure. Needles? Yes sir! Size 7 1/2 Jimmy Choo? Of course. Gaining an arsenal of supplies will allow you to explore your limits and find out things you never knew about yourself.
CBT is all about the tools. Without the right tools you cannot succeed. It's also about the process; the process with your tools is quite important. It's about adding degrees of pain along with pleasure, making your task almost calculated. I'm not saying get a metal tray full of instruments (although that'd be acceptable), I'm saying shop together and find a solution that works for both of you.
Having the conversation about something new can sometimes be more terrifying than the act itself. I get it; you don’t want your partner to think you’re “strange” or “weird”. Think of it this way: what if one day they caught you watching videos on it or see an article in your history about it? Do you really want to have that conversation with them?
You need to ease them into the process especially if all you’ve had so far is “vanilla” sex. This is taking a big leap of faith, I know, so make sure you have all the facts together. If they’re game it’s helpful to see the gear up close and personal, so take them to an adult toy store. By no means should this be the way you tell them about it, occasionally the initial shock scares them away completely. You know your partner better than anyone when it comes to the bedroom, keep their feelings in mind. Remember this: it is not a mark against you if your partner doesn't want to do it. Chances are they will recognize you have a craving for something more in the bedroom and try and accommodate your desires.
With a little trust and open communication you can change the way you play in the bedroom.