Here's the Urban Dictionary definition: "A relationship that is mostly monogamous but occasionally exceptions are made for sexual play."
Or, as a blog I read regularly puts it: "We occasionally bring guest stars into our bedroom."
SilverHubby used to consider himself bisexual, but now self-identifies as pansexual. I have genderqueer tendencies - I like to put on a harness and dildo and let my male energy out. So, is it possible to stay monogamous with this kind of setup? For us the answer goes something like: it's possible, but complicated.
Up to now, we have confined our explorations to fantasy only. We practice pegging and often get out a dildo so SilverHubby can double penetrate me. Both of these things we find incredibly hot and often experience some of our biggest orgasms when we do them. Another hot fantasy, and maybe a gentle introduction into more, is having sex with each other with another couple in the same room also having sex.
So, could we bring "guest stars" into our bedroom? Quite possibly. Without wishing to sound overly sentimental, we consider ourselves to be soul mates. We are, beyond all doubt, each other's primary partners. We have no desire to be in an open marriage in the sense that either of us have sex with someone outside of our relationship. What we are open to is sexual exploration with others together, i.e. we are always both present.
Where it gets more complicated is how, if at all, do you separate the acts from the feelings? For some people, sex and love can be completely separate. Some people do not suffer from insecurity or jealousy. For others, sex is unsatisfying, and sometimes undesirable, without some kind of emotional connection. What if one partner is ok with the concept of casual sex and the other needs at least friendship before getting hot and sticky?
The above complications are some of the reasons why some couples never move beyond the fantasy stage. However, we believe that with plenty of communication (communication is a bit like lube and anal sex - there is no such thing as too much) with each other and potential "guest stars," it can all work out and a grand old time be had by all involved. However, it hasn't happened yet here at SilverHome, but we're both open to the possibility. Watch this space!