Let’s be honest with each other, since that’s the theme of this article - casual sex is hard. One night stands can leave you feeling empty instead of empowered, that drunken hookup with your best guy friend can completely ruin your relationship, and that “no strings” thing with your ex can and will turn obsessive and sad.
But every now and then, on the very rare occasions when the Magic Sex Life Wizard waves his magic wang, none of this will happen.
And I suppose that’s where I can start to tell you the story of how I met #DiscusDick, my current casual squeeze (so hashtagged because he is an avid player of ultimate Frisbee). That evening, I finished an entire bottle of Moscato and consequently went off on a rant about testicle size in primates and how humans compare (did you know that the more promiscuous the lady primate, the bigger the balls in their respective males?).
For whatever reason, the group I had been speaking to wandered off, except for Discus. He stared at me politely, and as I paused before continuing to rant about the genitalia of chimps, he interrupted.
“What about humans?”
“What about them?”
“In your experience… how big are men’s balls?”
I was speechless. I stared at him and rambled on a little bit about things that may or may not fit in my mouth, when he interrupted again.
“Come to my room.”
Then he took my hand and led me inside. That was that, I thought. Things progressed as you might think they would, until we started up Round 2. That was when he leaned in to whisper to me.
“I want to tie you up.”
Whoa, hold on. Time out.
In my sexual experience so far, casual relationships have always been simple, vanilla sex. Explaining my specific fantasies to a guy has never been the priority in these sorts of situations. Why bother telling a guy that I touch myself to the idea of having two men in bed, that being called a whore and a slut drives me towards orgasm faster than anything, or, yes, that I crave being tied up and spanked and dominated, when it might scare him away?
Even in dating situations, I had only ever told boyfriends dribs and drabs. The man who knew I enjoyed being tied up had no clue how turned on I was by dirty talk; the one who played naughty schoolgirl with me would have never been okay with the idea of even using a dildo to simulate a threesome. I guess, I was afraid. Despite preaching sexual communication to others, I was struggling to accomplish full disclosure myself.
Until this moment.
“I want you to tie me up too.”
Something about that night released me from my fear. As our relationship continues (whatever label you want to put on it), he has revealed and satisfied every kink that I whispered in his ear or sent speeding towards his phone, one by one. When I confessed that I would like him to sneak in while I was sleeping and take advantage of me, he squeezed my ass and grinned like I had given him a present. When I opened the door in pigtails and my naughty schoolgirl outfit, he moaned and threw me on the bed.
I think what really makes me comfortable with Discus is that I’m not the only one revealing my fantasies. He is equally, if not more, as kinky as I am. He has confessed aspirations to be a Dom, and pulled out bondage rope when I expressed a desire to be tied up. He likes to wrap his hands around my throat when he gives me orders, and he also liked me to play with his ass when I go down on him. He is also considerably more experienced than I, having been part of cuckold play with a married couple in the past.
We may only have a casual sexual relationship, true. But it consists of a blatant honesty and complete understanding of each other’s sexual needs which makes the lack of a romantic connection irrelevant. This level of comfort and sharing will now be a requirement in all my relationships moving into the future. As kinky as my fantasies are, I don’t need to hold them back. They are a part of who I am, and a part of the person that should be loved and embraced. Discus and I will not last forever, but it has been a learning experience that I would not pass up for the world.