There is something about the beginning of a relationship where you talk far more with hand and lips than with your voice and ears. It’s a magic time where you can’t get enough of that person and you want to know everything about them, but you can’t help yourself from turning everything physical. I have a tendency to draw that time out because, even though I am a highly sexual person, I like to take my time getting intimate with people. There are so many nights spent making out long before any article of clothing gets taken off.
I love this time period. Now that I am in my twenties, I no longer worry about the men I am with pushing for more. I always pick people that respect my boundaries about sex. They are there in the moment with me letting me set the pace. I love this. I can enjoy every little thing without worrying about what is going to happen next. I know what will happen next.
As time progresses and sex happens, there always seems to be this pressure. Is this kiss going to lead to sex now? Is that hand down on the back of my neck going to lead to sex? Will affection be interpreted as a request for sex? Don’t get me wrong, I love sex. I would have it at least three times a day, every day if I could. Unfortunately, life gets in the way of that goal.
Despite my rabid sex drive, I don’t always want to by physical with my partners in a way that leads to sex. I enjoy stroking my boyfriend’s back or side just to feel his skin under mine. There is a sensuality that seems to have disappeared with the addition of sex.
I have realized that I am always trying to run towards sex and the orgasm. I have lost the ability to enjoy the process of sensual and sexual contact with my lovers. I need to recover it. It’s a huge part of maintaining a relationship. I want to be able to enjoy the physical intimacy with my partner without fretting about needing to feel turned on if I am not or turning them on if they aren’t.
I think that my partners and I need to actively stop trying to rush towards sex and enjoy the metaphorical scenery. I want to kiss them just to kiss them. I want to touch them because it feels good for me and them, not because it will hopefully turn them on enough to have sex. I need to be able to express my love for them physically but non-sexually again.
Sex is great, but it can’t do everything. It will never replace actually telling your partner that you love them, nor will it ever replace an earth shattering kiss that leaves you weak in the knees. Hot, sweaty sex is fantastic, but it isn’t being able to enjoy the softest skin of your partner at your leisure.
I am making a promise to slow down and take the scenic route with my partners for a while. I think that it is so worth it. We can still have mind blowing sex, but we can also just lie in bed and make out. The orgasm can wait for a bit.