So! You're a lesbian and you have a girlfriend!
Congratulations! I hope you and your sweetheart are very happy together! You two are starting on a remarkable trip to love and sensuality and- what? You're lost as to where to go beyond hugging and kissing? Your family's asking who the man is and you're not sure how to reply? You want to Google things to help but you don't want too much to pop up on your internet history? Ah, yes, the common problems of girls who are too shy to ask for help from other people, and of girls who have no one else to ask for help.
I have been in your shoes. This article was inspired by me commenting to my lover one night that there should have been a how-to guide mailed to every girl the moment she came out as bisexual with a preference for girls (as I am) or a lesbian (as my lover is). Her witty response? Write one!
(Told you she was the smart one.)
Oh, the Questions.
"Who's the man in the relationship?"
"How do you know who's supposed to top?"
"If you get married, who walks down the aisle?"
"Who wears a dress at the wedding?"
"Who cooks? Who cleans? Who's going to mother your children?"
You may feel like telling everyone you meet to back off and stop asking you these questions. It feels like they're digging into your relationship and trying to find out every little thing. For some people, such as that creepy person you work with, this might be true. For others, such as your Southern parents or siblings, they may just be trying to get a handle in their own way.
The best way to handle these questions is with dignity and grace. If they ask who the man is, calmly explain that neither of you are the man. You are both women and neither of you have the title of "the man." Asking who's on top is a much more personal question, and you should only answer this question to someone you're very comfortable discussing your sexuality and sex life with. For everyone else, a simple "That is an inappropriate question" should suffice.
Wedding questions are slightly more tricky. If you are engaged, I wish you the best of luck on your union and many happy years together, as well as this advice on handling those questions. When they ask "who will wear the dress" or "who will walk down the aisle," give them your best answer. If neither of you are wearing one, tell them that. If you're both wearing one, tell them that. There are no guidelines to who is and isn't allowed to wear a dress at their own wedding. As for walking down the aisle? That's a little trickier. Talk with your partner. If someone asks before you've decided, simply let them know, "We haven't decided yet."
As for cooking and cleaning and mothering, just answer those with your own knowledge. When my mother asked, I simply told her that I would cook, my lover would clean, and we'd both mother our children. It may be opposite for you, or maybe you haven't gotten that far. Remember, a simple "I'm not sure, we haven't discussed it yet" will often quiet down the inquisitions of the person you're talking to.
A vibrator?! A strap-on?! Penetration?! What?!
Hoo boy, sex in a lesbian relationship. This part is slightly tricky to give advice on because not everyone likes the same stuff. However, the basics should cover you.
The questions I've come across the most from other girls, and the questions I've had myself, have been about three things: fingering, cunnilingus, and toys.
For fingering, my advice is to start with what you like. How do approach your own masturbation technique? Do you start by teasing the outer labia, your clit? Start with this and move from there. Encourage your partner to tell you how to make her happy. Don't worry about messing up, she'll be more than happy to guide you through giving her an orgasm. Be slow with penetration of your fingers. Some girls, like me, are slowly warming up to the thought of being penetrated, while other girls enjoy and encourage the stimulation.
Cunnilingus, or going down on your partner, is a little trickier. Again, though, approach with what you like, or with what you know she likes you to do with your fingers. Does she like you to rub her clit? Try licking that first, or kissing it. If you're really adventurous and you're able to, suck on it. The taste might be a surprise to you. It's not the best flavor in the world, but it's something you'll grow to love if going down is something you enjoy.
Toys, toys, toys, toys, toys. I know you're thinking about them, given that you're on Eden right now. The best way to start with these is to start with something you or your partner already own and are very familiar with. You already know how to use it on yourself, so approach the same way you would every other technique. Go with what's familiar, but be open to suggestion. Save the strap-ons and sex machines for later. Start with a bullet or a rabbit. Those will ease you both into toys.
No one can tell you how to have sex or how to run your relationship. I have only given general guidelines on how to handle a relationship that you have no familiarity with. The best person to talk to about all of this? Your partner! She knows what she likes and what she's comfortable with. Don't worry, she's not going to fault you for not knowing a few things.
That's my advice, and congratulations on the relationship!