The one thing I love more than being a sex toy blogger/reviewer, is talking to people about sex toys. My idea of heaven is taking a group of people to a sex toy store and helping them find the best toy for them. Listening to their different wants and needs and just finding a shoe that fits the couple. On the other hand, there are instances during a conversation with people and I’ll hear out of the corner of my ear hole someone shout “She don’t need no vibrator! My dick is the only thing she needs!” At this moment I will turn slowly to see the look on the “She” in this equations face. It’s never a good one. Never! This breaks my heart so bad it’s hard for me to even describe, but I will try. So today we will attempt to tackle one of my toughest debates. Why men are scared of sex toys.
You might as well face it...your dick can't vibrate on its own.
First we must look at the facts. Most women cannot achieve an orgasm via the “A” typical in-and-out. About 50 to 70% just cannot do it. So no matter how magical you think your penis is it will probably never get the job done. Besides that factoid, a woman’s most sensitive and sure fire “O” button doesn’t live in the vaginal cavity. Don’t get me wrong, there is a nice percentage of women who can achieve an orgasm through G-Spot stimulation, but the majority finds that clit stimulation is the way to go. The best bet is to work together to discover what works best for you.
With that said, I will side track this for a moment to discuss a major issue on this subject. You will never be able to discover anything if you are in a relationship where the channels of communication have been closed due to a narrow-minded partner. If you are in this hole, and you are not able to have the firework finish you have been longing to find I suggest you speak up now or live O-less forever, or at least until he goes off to work and your left alone to do your bidding with a nice hot bath and your favorite secret toy. But it shouldn’t be like this!!!! You should be able to express yourself freely. Tell your partner what you want. Open the lines up. Rule of thumb, if you start a new relationship, be open about your wants and needs right out of the gate. Otherwise you may find yourself stuck later on down the road. Afraid to say you love ass play. That kills me! Never be afraid to express your wants and needs! It’s your body and damn it you deserve to have an orgasm by whatever means you want without fear that your “Man” is going to lose it and leave you. To that I say “F#$% Him!” Life is too short to have miserable sex.
A bitter pill to swallow, but it's the medicine you need.
So fellow fellas, if you have gotten this far without punching your computer or storming out of the room all huffy puffy, let me tell you something. I’m a man. Yeah…no sh%$. And a straight married one at that. That’s right, sex toys are not just for women and gay men. And trust me, if I hear any more negative remarks about it I may just snap. Like I said before, everyone deserves to have great sex, with anyone they please, as long as it’s not with animals or people under the age of 18. Love is love my friend and no one should stand in the way of it. If that pissed you off, then good…see ya. Anyways……I used to hate sex toys too. Yep…down right hated them. Probably for the same reasons most men do. I felt threatened by it. It wasn’t a penis size issue, as I’m pretty good on that end…wink…wink. Anyhoo, I hated it because I couldn’t see what I was doing wrong. Even my partner couldn’t.
Instead of me stopping it there and just keep pounding away hoping for a result, we went out and bought a vibrator. I remember feeling left out, or even as if I was watching someone else pleasing my girl. It was hell. But low and behold, even the vibrator didn’t help. I didn’t realize until I was a little older that the reason it didn’t work was because we were using it the wrong way. If we just stopped the old style method and went for direct clit stimulation we would have been in heaven. We didn’t talk about what felt good. No open lines of communication. But things work out in the end and now I’m married and sex has never been better. However it wasn’t always like that.
Stay with me, it gets better...
My wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for two. It took us a long time to have some of the best sex of our relationship and it was my entire fault. I never really discussed if it was enjoyable. If she had an orgasm, if she wanted to try something else, we didn’t discuss anything. I was basically the modern day version of Sigmund Freud. By this I mean in 1905, Freud stated that the clitoral orgasm was purely an adolescent phenomenon, and upon reaching puberty the proper response of mature women was a change-over to vaginal orgasms, meaning orgasms without any clitoral stimulation. While Freud provided no evidence for this basic assumption, the consequences of this theory were considerable. Many women felt inadequate when they could not achieve orgasm via vaginal intercourse alone, involving little or no clitoral stimulation, as Freud's theory made penile-vaginal intercourse central to women's sexual satisfaction. Wikipedia Baby! Freud was a dick and so was I. It wasn’t until I caught my wife masturbating in the bathtub that I realized we needed to talk.
So talk we did. I asked what she liked, found the right spots, lied there and watched. In short, I was taken to school. I witnessed all of this and it was hot as all hell. For the first time ever, sex was more than just a fun ride to take whenever the moment grabbed you. It was an all-out adventure. Guys, I swear to god, there is nothing more balls to the wall exciting than watching an orgasm unfold. The look, the sounds... everything. It’s like God himself reached down his hand and smacked you across the face! I was so pissed at myself. We went that long without having this kind of sex. All because I was too stupid to just ask.
Here’s a funny way of looking at all of this. Guys…do you masturbate? Of course you do. Well guess what. So do women! Almost more than guys! So why not merge the two? Or just sit there and watch and take notes. There's no need at all to keep forcing your partner into lackluster sex. If you fall into the small percentage of people who can pull off an orgasm through penile stimulation, then my hat comes off for you, but either way, why stop there? Go out and get a small vibrator, one designed for clit stimulation. Introduce it into your routine. Maybe you can try to see if you can pull it off yourself, but I highly suggest letting your partner do it first. This way she finds the right spot and what works for her. After all, you don’t want to turn her (or yourself) off vibrators forever. Just let her do it, trust me. You also don’t have to be left out. Be vocal; ask what she wants you to do to help. Girls, don’t be afraid to say what you want either. If you have gotten this far, don’t let it all go to crap now! Tell your partner what you want him or her to do. It’s not only extremely helpful, it’s sexy beyond words. If you do this just once, you will never look back. But the only way to get here and have some of the best sex of your life is to speak up. Make your wants known.
So guys, if you still think your dick is all that you need, do me a favor. Seriously sit down with your partner tonight and talk about your sex life. Make it fun. Don’t be an ass and make the situation uncomfortable. Talk about it. See if there is something missing, or if your partner is looking for more. Also remember not to feel humiliated or less of a man. Trust me, you will be more of a man if you step away from the old fashioned way of thinking and allow room for sexual exploration between you and your partner. Also throw this little nugget in your brain. You know how awesome it feels to cum. It’s like a drug isn’t it? That moment of euphoria that washes everything away in that moment. You feel at peace, like a baby kitten in front of a roaring fireplace. Okay, maybe the last one was just me. But seriously, think of that feeling for a moment, you got it…good. Now think of your partner never ever experiencing that as long as there with you! Sounds like hell right?! Now imagine if your partner was like that towards you, always leaving you hanging, left to finish in the shower, after everyone has left. Well that’s what’s going on right now!!! Trust me buddy. After your performance, while you’re lying next to her thinking your King Turd of Poop Island, she’s counting down the hours until you leave for work so she can finish off what you started. Brutal truth I know, but it doesn’t have to be this way!!!! Just talk it out and see if you need to spice it up a bit. Trust me, don’t be a dick.