BP has recently devised a “Top Hat” plug in hopes of containing the oil spill that’s been estimated to have been pumping 5,000 barrels of oil a day into the Gulf of Mexico. This devastating ecological disaster has oil execs scrambling for a solution, so apparently they haven’t noticed that their “Top Hat” looks considerably like an anal plug in these photos. Surely, Mother Earth enjoys some anal play, too.

Back in Washington, sex education funding is on the rise, with the new health law pouring hundreds of millions of dollars into comprehensive high school programs. But with the emphasis off of abstinence-only education, many parents are complaining about explicit sex education videos presented in class.

Of course, with a better sexually educated populous comes more interesting crime. Recently authorities arrested a man suspected to be penetrated by an anal vibrator that they took to be a bomb. And authorities are still looking for the couple said to have shoplifted five packages of KY Intense sexual enhancement gel and one bottle of fat burner supplements. Maybe they were getting ready for BP’s Top Hat.